Haizzz

Been more than 2 weeks. Everything around me juz seems not to be going on smoothly. Biggest thing of all is having a quarrel with my buddies. For more than 10 yrs of frienship and i found out that it's how they see me as. Been very bothered about this issue for days. Hopefully it will get better as time goes by. Work is the same for me thou its very far. Everyday travelling to simei is getting on my nerve. Anyway my contract will end next month. Gotta find a new job soon.

Another thing that made me very sad is my job interview. I flunk it and was very disappointed, all blame it on my body. Was born weak and mayb im juz useless for all my life. Had very high hope on this job. Was thinking if i got it i may had a chance to go somewhere else and start my life all over again. Who knows.... mayb im destined to stay in singapore. If n i say IF i really cant get a job soon enough, i will juz go bak to my slacking life for the moment. I dun really care how people see me now. Even they think im a trash or junk, so be it. Im wat i m and i enjoy my life this way. If anyone doesnt like it then too bad.

Been thinking about alot these few days. About me and my life. I think im really a failure when comes to handling frds. So i guess for the moment, i will juz be alone. Some pple might think im sick of them thats y im leaving them. Cant really control wat others think of me. If they really think that way then no way i can change their mind. I need to be alone and think for awhile. If things goes well i will appear again. If not..... i will juz stay alone. Being alone..... i dun have to feel responsible for others and the same others dun have to feel responsible for me. Mayb this the way life is for me.

Wed and sat is becoming very standard for me. Zouk , Double O and so on. Sometimes even friday also will go dbl O. My life juz that boring, and wat else u can do except clubbing? But still was satisfied with my life now. Even thou i go clubbing, i still see my frds and sometimes will talk to them. But when time is up i will juz leave alone and go home by myself. People might think i see them as nothing cuz i dun even bother about saying bye or wat. Well thats life and that wat others think. Let them be...... Even the my best buddy also mistaken me as a guy with ill intentions. Alwiz picking pple around me. Hmmm if im really wat everyone think, then i think the decision i made is suitable for me now.

Today should be ziwei's wedding dinner. But thurs i decided not to attend it. Roger asked me why but i couldnt explain why. I dont want to feel like im not myself at the dinner. Thou i knw there will be mambo regulars there. But the truth is i dun really know them well. We didnt even talk more than 2 sentences when we meet everytime. So....i guess its better for me not to go. I dun wan to feel weird n like a stranger down there. Go there eat n keep quiet, times up then say byebye. Then wats the point of going if im not going to enjoy the dinner. I knw this decision is hard and i knw pple will start saying things about me after that. Like i said earlier....i dun really care now. Juz say wat they wanted, since my reputation is already so bad.

Its sunday night and i guess i need to force myself to sleep. Tmr is a brand new week, juz hope that everything will go smoothly for me.

"Being alone doesnt have to feel responsible for anything."