What to blog??? i got nothing much to blog. I'm now alone.... didnt go out much, 90% of the time im at home for the past 10+ days. Feeling been going downwards sec by sec. Like i alwiz said....i got no one to talk to. Past few days had been clearing the rest of the unwanted stuff. Mainly her clothes n things that she used. Been wanting to return her the clothings but something juz struck my mind. I do not want to get scolded again. Don't know what to do with it too... juz leave it in the cupboard til i know wat to do with it. 1 thing i'm sure is she doesnt want it back anymore. Well..... put it in a another way, she can get wateva she wants from her guy. What is some old clothings to her??? I feel like im part of the clothings too, unwanted n ditched.

Its been so long since the dreadful day passed...... but i still cant get over it. I m alwiz like dat. Whenever i wanted to be in a relationship, i will be serious about it. In the end?? Nothing but disappointment. All the promises seems so fake... thinking about it, all the promises i was to made to her and at last she ask me "why r u so serious about me?" Why? Isn't it ridiculous? So all the while i have been throu a non serious relationship with a pacts of lies? All the questions she asked me n all the promises i have made to her. I haven forget abit......but in the end all i took back was a question like that. The most unreasonable question i had ever heard since iwas born. All along she doesnt wan me to be serious with her. Mayb i m just a stepping stone, a person to let her get over her past relationship. But what i can say is she really made full use of me. Never ever seen a person who can use a spare tyre for one year. Calculating the days when my heart started to break. Its been half a year i guessed. Some ask me why havent i get over it? Cuz i really fallen too deep dumbass! One who made me wanted to settled down with.

I started to think that being a animal is really better than a human. Humans think n expected too much of other. Well of cuz im like dat too. Just got a new companion this monday. A free kitten. Thou the kitten is free but i spent a bomb on buying things for him. Thinking for days n i finally decided to call my cat "DoG" Very active kitten n never fail to make me happy. But its kinda lazy....hmm wat the hell i like it anyway, a lazy master sure to have a lazy pet. He really got me sticking at home. Seldom wanted to go out unless its on wed n sat. But after clubbing i will go home n not waste anymore time. Everytime i reached home n saw him sleeping on my bed.... it feels great. I hope the passion i have for the kitten is long... i m afraid that after sometimes i will lose the heat n start to neglect it. At least now there is a pet to keep me company....

Wasted alot of money on bills computers n stuffs for my cat. I m really broke..... Xmas was a plain one. Stil went to double o with adrian n he treated me supper n pay most of the cab fare. Not forgetting the last 2 movies we watched.Really glad theres someone there for me when i m broke. Hope my next isurance $$ will come soon, then again i can start shopping like hell. eed to stay lower profile for the next week. NYE mambo @ expo... i was thinking of not going..wanted to save money. Another reason is wats the point of going there n enjoy alone?? Pple will be having their own fun n i dun think they will notice me. Anyway no one even bother to contact me during Xmas....So i think im out for next week event.NyE mambo not going n of cuz wed mambo is a no for me. Just like i mention above...i need to save money!!! Really can start to quit mambo....had enuff fun n its time i stay at home n rot. Besides i m alwiz alone.... going mambo alone starts to makes me feel miserable.

Well enuff said n i think i gotta go play my World of Warcraft.....but dun be mistaken....i said i m broke doesnt mean i m paying for the game. I m playing on free server!!! Oh....nearly forget about 1 thing. Thx to zhenyi for ur "ging gou biao"sms

Almost a week never update my blog le. Dun seems to be a normal me. Suddenly become so outa words. I also don't know why. Been searching for answers these few days. Other than that is sleep n play online games. Alot of things happened after that dreadful incident happened. First i lost something call Love. Then i lost friends, thats not all......i start to lost confidence n finally i lost myself. Where is the old n usual me??? My parents said that i changed....... After pondering for days then i realised that i wasn't the old me anymore. One who wasnt that happy now. One who have even bad temper than the past. One who dun care about living on anymore.

Sat is zoukout. Based on past experience mambo sux. So we decided to drink outside then go in n dance. Around 12+ david n went in first while roger n yii stil waiting for a friend. Queue made me pissed off as i was running outta oxygen soon. I hate to be in a crowd.... i will start to feel breathless n wanting to fainting. Waited for so long finally got in around 1. Mambo was good n quite surprised that sonny spinned his whole set of mambo jumbo at zoukout. After that the Rn Hip Hop was good too. Thou i said the music is good but what i m feeling inside is not the way. just before mambo ended...i lost my soul. I got no mood to dance n i just sat down n look at the stage. ZoukOut....reminded me of last yr ZoukOut when she went with me n we had some good times together...... memories just flashed back without my permission. I wanted to stop thinking but i couldn't.....i felt miserable n hoping to drown myself at sentosa.....

Struggling for some time n i guess some pple noticed my soul was gone too. I pulled it back n forced myself to dance no matter whateva shyt the Dj is spinning. Who knows... i managed to shake off everything n begin to enjoy myself.... But good thing doesnt last long....The rain came around 4+.....i walked off alone...at that point of time.....is god helping me or making fun of me????? Whenever i m sad i would like to stand in the rain.... let the rain wash away my sorrows. Everyone rushed off to find a shelter but i took a slow walk instead. Not hurrying to find a place to hide. A few sec run everyone make it to the shelter but i took at least 1 min to reach there. I was alone with alot of strangers around me...... I felt helpless... n lonely...

Later i went to other places to find roger n manage to find them. One by one met up with us later. We sat down n waited for the rain to stop....Meantime everyone is leaving sentosa.... I guess the rain really spoiled everyone's mood..... We went off ard 5 n decided to go for breakfast....... Went to the usual kopitiam near parklane.... The whole night until morning...every place i went to brought back some memories..... Should i say its happy or sad memories... I dont know..... I juz need to be alone picking up the pieces of my broken heart.

ok forget about the unhappy things. Now i m gonna introduced a new gae which i hooked on to. Its call GoPets. Kinda old game but trust me its addictive to me. U get to adpot a ca or a dog. Choose any colour u like for it n also there r patche n patterns for them too. Its virtual n u had to find ways to earn $$ to buy food n clothings for them. Dress up anywa u like it but $$ is really hard to earn. Been playing for 2 days n i only earn 1 gold shell.

Dun be scare that ur pet will go hungry if u r offline. One thing good about this game is ur pet will go wandering around. Whether if u r online or offline. When ur pets get bored they will wander off. To where??? To other people's desktop. And of cuz u can call them back anytime u wanna. Example.... when i juz started the game n i was really low on cash, i juz send my pet to my frds n they will feed them for me. Everytime ur pet goes out they will have a chance to find treasures..... i have found quite a few piece of good clothings thou.

For thoes who wanted to have a pet but u dun have the commitment to adpot one, now the chance for u to do it. The $$ part is really hard to earn it but well..... u need to have patience u know. Thou its a virtual pet but its stil a pet.

Int parties u can visit the web at www.gopetslive.com for more info. If u r interested to join the fun u can add me. My id: Lamesome..... i will be gladly to guide u through the basic of the games.

Lessons

I learnt a precious lesson from someone today. "How to treat frds fairly" I think i m juz naive all along. To let myself think that the world has hope. But the higher u have in ur hopes the harder u fell.

I know that u r in the middle n was in a difficult position so i dun try to makes things hard. Yes i did i said that i was going to take a nap but i didnt say i will msg anyone when i wake up. Cuz someone already say that she will msg me when done. Ok...i gues they will never be "done" in one or another way. In the natural order of cuz it better for 2 girls to go out together when its come to frienship. If u r stuck in the middle then have tots then its ok that i had misunderstood. But... i rememeber that someone was saying"since i was meeting her u should know that i will not be in the group". Yea of cuz the hell i know this theory. But how do i know that u set piority in another different way. Wanted me to voice out anything i feel unhappy with. But if the other party didnt do so. How is the matter gonna to be settled. I somehow think u realised it, but when it comes to rejecting pple u also dun dare to do so. Thats y it was dragged n end up with quarrels. I wa not trying to say that it was 100% ur fault. I m a human i will not be 100% perfect too. Quarrel is like clapping hands. U need both parties to do it. Many pple have their own theories in life. Mayb to u its ok or should i say its right for u to juz keep quiet when u met something u dun know what to do or u dun intend to do. But the way u put ur words is like since u already met her then i should know that u will not be meeting me anymore.

I finally get it what zhenyi is trying to tell me. Piority....... Frm today onwards i really had to learn how to set piorities the way u do it. Even to the very last minute of an appointment. If a higher piority person juz appear, the lower ones will have to step aside. N most impt is they dun really have the rights to know anything. Juz keep quiet or juz act blur over it. If only im a computer then i will know everything in the world n dun need to assume. But sorry i m a human too.

Last but not least..... If there is no quarrels in a friendship then i think that friendship is a fake. No relationships r perfect without any scratch or marks. Y do people need to quarrel??? Not to make the other side unhappy or angry. The fact is quarrels makes every relationship stronger n better. Becuz thru quarrels u get to know each other more. U will know what the other parties think individually. And by realising the prob, the same issues will be better to handle if it really happens again. Now that i know how someone feels about coming to handling piority. If next time this time happen n if anyone more impt asked u out i will understand n not get angry. But the least inform me earlier. I will do my part n as for u ...... u have ur own rights. U wanna do it or not its up to u. The brain is ur and decisions r up to u to make.

Above mention r purely based on my theories. If anyone disagree with that pls jolly well read n forget. Like i said...im a human too my theories might not be correct too.

Well Well... after reading something on the web then i realised something.

1. "But from wad i heard, u ARE taking us as fools lor."

If i been treating u guys like fool i will not let u guys take me for granted. If i treat u like a bloody ass fool will i be so nerdy waiting at home when u DON'T even bother to gimme a msg telling me that u r not going. Muz wait until i keep msging u then u juz reply me with a short n sharp msg like "not going liao la." U know i was waiting for ur reply at it was almost 10p.m not even a buzzz from u.

2. "Dun assume things when u dun even know wad is happening "

Dun know what is happening???? Previous u asked me wanted to go double o or not??? I say OK n next day u gto reply me. First i tot u say it out for Fun n Laughter Peace n Joy. Who knows u really got msg me. Alrite.....Telling me u got appointment. Will finish ard what bloody time. Ok.....i say i go down meet u first den meet the rest later lo. U say u wanna go shopping. OK! i let u shop so i say i go down abit later. Awhile later u tell me that someone is not working so u not going anymore. So i say if u wanna meet i can rush down now. U say u r tired. Nevermind then....i asked whether u wanna go back n rest first. U say Ok. Again awhile later. Ur msg comes again saying that U r meeting someone to go shopping, will call me again when done. BUT DID U SAY U R STILL THINKING WHETHER WANNA GO DBL O OR NOT? NO U DIDNT. I didnt say i dun let u 2 meet up rite?? So i was asking if we r meeting for dinner after that??What is ur reply????? Nothing.......I asked my mum not to buy my share cuz i scare wait u say u haven eat so we can eat after meeting up. I not trying to say i m damn bloody fooking idioitic fanatic GREAT or NOBLE. At least i planned... You can say the way im acting to this is FOOLISH n STUPID. If i really treat u like a FOOL would i even bother to care about whether u had ur dinner or not. On the other hand???? Did u even think for me????? I will not ans cuz i m not ASSUMING. U nv reply until i really msged u.. alrite that ok....i asked u y u nv tell me earlier that not going down anymore.U say U CANT DECIDE YET..... So what is the "not going liao la" appearing in my msg??? So very logically u r with her u cant decide whether to meet me or not??? OK this part i m "assuming" Later in the night u ended showing up at Dbl O. So again what is the "not going liao la" going on??? All ur replies r all short n less than 5 words so wat do u expect me to know when u DUN EVEN BOTHER to explain. Alright...mayb i m juz a piece of smelly cow dung so u dun really need to explain things to me. Since u dun wanna explain things to me then dun bother whether i assume or not. Will i assume if u had explained????? And which human dun assume????? If humans dun assume then there wun be this word in the dictionary.

3. "goodness sake, dun go round telling ppl how i took u for granted... "

Since u say you took me for granted then y cant i even tell my good frds about what u did to me???? Why is that i cant tell my things to my frds????? This incident makes me sad so why cant i tell my frds why m i feeling sad??? And the frds i m referring to is ONLY Roger n Zhenyi. And i didnt tell anyone else anymore. Since its only to both of them i need not run around n tell then i juz stand infront of them n tell them. If u really knows who i had complained to about how u taken me for granted??? Then tell me!!!!!! Tell me who had i gone around telling things about u??? Cuz i only can remember telling to both of them only. Since u did it y are u bothered that i tell anyone about u??? Let me assume again.... is it that i would spoil ur images infront of them???? The topic below is even more exciting!!!!

4."HYPOCRITES "

If u wanna say i m one then i admit it! Cuz i know u r no better too. U wanna Play War using words then lets thrash things out once n for all then. I really hope i didnt missed out anything. Tell me who is not a hypo in this world. i would "assume" that everyone was.

Things about Mahjong.In front of me u tell me that u dun like the way some pple play when comes to mahjong. Ok lo i hear then i forget. Saying that u would not wanna play with them anymore? In the end??? playing every week without fail. Ok that ur own business. When infront of them leh??? Act like very good frds. Giving each other close names. Like nothing happen. So here's the question...... R u also acting like a hypo too?????? I say bad things about them...ok i admitted that i m part of it too. But PLeaSe!!!!! Dun act like i m only the one doing all the bad things n push all the blames to me. I didnt not start all the bad talking........U r involve too....... n when we quarrel leh??? U pointed the fingers to me saying that i was the Big bad wolfy. What a hopper u r!!!! Anything happen then hop to the other side saying me. If not u will juz hop around n saying things bad about pple too. Telling me u dun like the way some pple behave or even talk???? Did i go around telling pple that u go around saying pple??? i assume i didnt.... Trying to to be nice n noble but let me tell u that fact is u r not. Cuz wat i do u did it 10x more dan me.

Please note: Events n People mention above r all fictional n cuz by Assuming. If there is any similiar cases, its all purely coincidence! If u think im toking about U...Yes U...then too bad cuz i already said it all due to assuming n coincidence or somehow some cases r similiar.

Im back

Finally i m back after 2 months of non blogging. Got myself a new blogskin cuz i felt that i changes in these 2 months too. Didnt really add much things in the sections cuz its purely for me to record down my remainding days n feelings. Maybe due to last time blogging, im used to making this page as my diary. Well... not much pple will passby here or even make the efforts to read what i have to yap. So no more shoutbox n for my links.....Sad to say.....I got no friends so nothing to fill in so might as well delete it.

These 2 months i have been locking myself up. Thou i alwiz go out to meet up with pple but itz my heart that is locked up. For thoes who care for me, im sorry. I failed u guys..... the scars on my heart is stil there and i dun intend to cure it. My heart is shattered only way i can put the pieces back is frozen it. Dun dare to be loved so dun say about loving again.

Day by day...every sec to me is still painful to me. Thou my tears doesnt flow that frequent anymore but i think it had run dryed. Im now a living dead. A walking zombie. Actve on the outside but my heart n my mind is dead. I quitted my job cuz i find no meanings in life anymore. What i want to do now is to spend my remainding days. Until the day the get to leave this sorrow land.

I'm sad but i got no one to talk to. Im so lonely but there is no one to see to. I tried my very best to go out. Even to the extend of calling some ppl everyday. Sorry if im a bother or somehow spoiled ur lovely dates. After being "AeRo"so many times i decided....this time i really need to hide myself at home not to bother anyone anymore. I know im not rich i dun have a car of my own and im a bored guys. Thats y my popularity is that worse, what can i say?? I only can accept my fate. These 2 weeks i only go out on wed or sat. Rest of my days??? Stay at home n watch my miserable 14" tv cuz my 29" spoiled! The things in my room are back in order juz like 6 months ago. Thou i have arrange the things in my room many times, in the end it will stil end up like the same in 6 months ago. Mayb i stil wanna keep some memories of the past bah.

I have nothing but hatred added with alot of sadness and despair. Most impt is regrets. I now have alot of regrets. Regrets from the past relationship. It let me back free n also made me go back to frozen mode. This time is more than double the damage n pain.

Today i went back to see my doc. He says that my psychological prob stil doent improve. Of cuz!!! i juz pay money and throw the medicine away cuz i doesnt even wanna get cured. Waste of money but my parents insisted i go back again n again. Wanted to watch chicken little yest but danny didnt called so i dun dare to call back too. Doesnt wanna impose too much trouble on him besides he got a gf who hates me. Dun put him in difficult position lo. Didnt talk to him much when i saw him on wed. But i can see that after i didnt bother him for a week, he looked happier. Maybe he started to hate me too. Mayb not??? i Dun know..... Its stil better for him to go along with the other group cuz they shared more common interest.

I m quite lost too...i dun know how much i had type. Think there isnt much for me to update cuz i was living in exile for the past 2 months. If there is anything i missed out n happen to remember, i will update it on my next entry. If not i will stil try to update everyday. Thoes who wanna read my blog u r most welcome.

Im a FOOL

Been busy this 2 days so yest didnt blog. Yest did i blog or did i not??? I dun know also but never mind. Hope this entry can cover up the lost parts. Was going with shirely these 2 days, dun knw why but then feeling comfortable to have such a good listening ear, compared to thoes HYPOCRITES. (u guys will knw y i said that later) Sunday was so tired for me. Reached home but couldnt sleep. Took a 3 hrs nap n i went down to jurong to meet shirely for lunch. After lunch i was soooooo tired so i requested to go over to her place to rest. Was watching tv until i really dosed off. Geezzz, luckily it was only a nap. If not sure sleep until tmr morning. LoL.... I was like a pig that day. After woke up we went for dinner, then ktv again!!! Again i spend alot of $$ on it juz like sat. Including beers n all these really burned my pocket. After ktv i was kinda in good mood so i suggested another drinking session to shirley. Without any thinking she juz onZ me. LoL~~ But then she doesnt wanna stay outside n blah blah blah.
Alrite, we bought beer frm nearby 7-11. Nearby??? is walking distance of 20mins near??? Hahaha.... Then we took a cab n reached my place in no time. Once she reaches my place she asked me to dig out all my vcds. Wanna have a marathon...omg......juz nice next day she doesnt have lessons. One more thing is thoes r which i watched before..... But for the sake of beer close one eye lo. Time pass very fast n its was around morning. I was struggling on watching the show while i discovered that she already dosed off. Very glad n thanks that she will spare so much time to company me. Knowing that she likes to eat Mac breakfast, i went down alone to get it for her. Was a long walk frm my hse to mac but then it a way of saying thanks to her. Woke her up n she was kinda surprised n happy....if only everyone in this world is so easily satisfied. Soon after breakfast of cuz is sleep. Have to admit that i was really tired. Woke up at early evening, had dinner at causeway point and send her back. On her way back we r having cans of beer again. Hahaha....2 ppl who is so addicted to beer. Rushed home immediately cuz got some special feelings.....wanting to sleep again!!!

This is how i spend my sunday n i can say boring but was really satisfied. Another is about my dear mambo friends........Found out that some had been treating me like a good frd, but on the other side, i was a piece of cow dung to them. I m damn pissed off now, i know wat i said will provoke many of them. well....WATEVA!!! U guys wanna come bash me up on wed or wat i dun care. Going out with each other dun wan me to tag along? SAY LA... need to hide from me meh? PCB all hiding me like hiding ghost. M i really so disgusted n look like ghost? DEN dun come calling me bro or sis when i m around ok!!!!! I been thru alot in my life. I got rejected by frds too, so i knw wat is going on. I know im a hard to get along guy. I knw i alwiz make pple feel that im not a gud person. Wat i really wan is at least ur truthful reaction to me rather than acting infront of me. From now on, Zhikai is alone! Mambo alone Dbl O alone. When sad or happy who to share with???? ME MYSELF N I

Realxing Night

Phew...finally got home at 745am. Check everyones blog n found out that they r doing this personality test. So i copycat-ed too. Do the test n post it on the blog. Guess its not 100% true also. SO this test SUX!!! sorry to the one who created this test. LoL

Was planned to meet roger but then xuan finally called n said was going to mmet up with someone n juz have supper then go home. Sista...i know u too well mon. I can tell if u r lying to me or not. So...i decide to give up asking her out. Left home very late but heng roger seems ok. haha......Was at buger king cuz i haven eat for the whole day... then found out he forgot to bring his bottle card. So now question is Dbl o or Devilsbar? Yii decided to call xuan i my answer is no point trying. The result is wat i expected. Hahaha.......Decided to go to yii's frend birthday. Was at somerset met nearby...a ktv pub. Once i reached there i was like OMG so damn packed!! But for the sake of free drinks, close one eye la~~~~ 3 bottles of martel for less dan 10 person to finish it....Before everything ends all of us were almost dead-ed. LoL....esp the bday boy damn poor thing. 7 ppl keep jio him drink. Was singing with them all along n think my throat cannot make it ler. Mini Ktv session after a 6 hrs session....Didnt know them at all but were so friendly to ppl. Then got a ger i think is working at that pub, were asked to drink with bday boy. She was drunk i confirmed. First she was standing infront of me but awhile later we r body to body contact....Wooooo! Had a great time but suddenly Roger n Yii had a little commotion. Having headache cuz needa run around while one is at upstair n the other is down. Thx for the excercise!!! But everything was fine after awhile. Really happen to see them back to normal.

3.45am.... time is stil early....decided to go devilsbar n chill out. Reachd there n paid a person entrance cuz yii got member.... Took a very long time to get a seat cuz very packed still. Was watching alot of 'oily' char boh dancing.....nearly vomitted....hahaha too oily le la!!! Then got this sexy char boh gone up the plat. Her skirt was so short til once she got up the plat everyone can see her undies. Wats more is she juz back face us, bend down and keep rocking her butt. So wat we saw is juz her butt n underwear shaking! Everyone guys around was going crazy, i was enjoying the scene too. 6am came n we went off. Happen to saw kes's fren arthur, tok abit n we went off. Went to mac n had our student meals! LoL so lucky~~~ Then we took a mrt n went home. Next wed we planned to go Devils to drink again cuz roger wanna open a bottle. So no need to say la. Drink liao go MAMBO!

Reached home n took a lazy shower. Suddenly my phone rang....picked it up and heard something very horrible. Never hear hello but only the word 'breakfast?'.... Kaozzzzzz juz reached home nia got jio breakfast liao. Told shirley that i cant make it now so mayb lunch or dinner.

Ppl who r reading my blog. If u all got programs at night pls gimme a call k??? Can jio me out. Dun wanna spend my sunday at home. Its kinda boring.

Been thinking alot during my way back home n i decided to change myself. Change myself into a whole new person. Am i going to turn nasty? or m i gonna turn better? I shall not disclose it. U guys have eyes u all shall see for urself n tell me.

This is ME!!!

Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Weird Feeling

Yest was a very normal day for me. Whole day at home doing my assginments. Whole mind was blank but assignments. Glad to be like that but how long its gonna last me? Then something happened on evening, will not say it out here. Whoever wanna know juz call me n find out lo. Somehow that incident makes my mood feel better. Is it really getting better or is it the peace before the storm??? Wun wan to imagine or think about it. Around 11 i went to 7-11 to get my daily dosage of beer. Been drinking everyday without fail and beer had replaced my meals slowly. All i ate was nothing but a can of beer, sound kinda pathetic right??? Once i reached home i checked my mails n after sleep. Beer really makes u sleep better. I had a good sleep n wake up around 7. At that point of time my feeling is lighter n very calm. Dun knw why or what....i juz felt alot better. Is it that i really think throu or m i too persistant till im totally numb?? Whole day was playing game until someone called me for ktv session. Went to causeway point to have lunchie with her. So glad that she came all the way down..... so lunch is on me. Singing non stop for 6 hr n we r like no voice anymore. Haha.....Then we sat around Mac to had our dinner n having some talk. She happen to explain alot of things to her n what had happened to her in the past. By that time i was thinking alot n i think i'm able to find a road to myself. An answer to what i have to do......for more details....call me lo. LoL....Reached home at 8 and was looking for kahkis to go chiong. Dun knw wat the fuk happened also.... Xuan n danny didnt picked up my call.Maybe there r together with someone n dun wan me to know so they aviod me. If that really happened i would feel very disappointed. Disappointed not as in they didnt ask me to go out. Disappointed as in why r they avioding frm me. Go out with her can juz tell me, i already said i dun mind n i will understand. I wanna change but seems like no one ard me is letting me try or have the chance. Manage to find roger n they r asking me if wanna go Dbl O. I wanted to save $$ cuz juz now spent quite some amount on Ktv. So next destination is Devilsbar. I juz wanna get out of my hse n be outside so i dun really care where im going or wat i will be doing. Really glad i found someone to go out with. One last thing i wanna say is thanks thoes who had been encouraging me. No matter what u guys had said......i really appreciate it alot. From taggy on my blog or phone calls and even face to face.....i m really glad to have u guys. THANKS~!~!~!~!~

Man with SINS

I m very feeling terrible now. I m feeling very guilty and i m been blaming myself every sec i could spare. wish i could die or at least someone punish me. I made a terrbile sin in my life n i couldnt forgive myself forever for what i had done to a ger that once loved most. A sweet, cute n innocent girl in the past changed to now what she is.....is all my fault!!!
Talk to her on MsN for an hour plus. I was really surprised that she will talk to me. Found out that she really changed, she start to have flings and see relationship as hopeless. She dun trust herself n relationship at all. She doesnt wan to commit n wan to have fun with guys around her. She would rather play around with guys than having a decent boyfriend. After hearing all these i was crying....once again i cried n i felt very guilty. I would never imagined that she has become like that. The girl i once knew had turned into a totally different person. One who treasure relationship alot n now playing around with guys. My heart break n was bleeding non-stop. I cant stop blaming myself. If it were for me i dun think she will changed. I met her n have a relationship with her, I broke her heart n end up now she is like that.
How i wished we never knew. How i wish we nv fell in love n how i wish i never broke her heart. If all doesnt happen in the past. Maybe now she will be having a decent relationship with another guy. Why does things had to be in this way. Hurting her own body is not loving herself. How i wished she could love herself again. Even end of the day her guy is not me. I would rather see her having a normal relationship than having many flings.
She asked me not to wait anymore if i continue waiting she will do more extreme stuff. Even its infront of me, she will do it infront of me to make me give her up. All i can say is she dun really know how i feel for her. My heart is still having the love for her thou my brain is numb. I already dun mind who is she with or how many guys she is having. All i know is i wan to wait for her. I told myself that even i had to fall again, i will still stand up n continue with my stubborn decision. I guess no one is able to stop me, my mind is clear n set. How long i wil have to wait? Will the day really come?? Will miracle really appear?? I do not know, all i can do is wait n wait. No matter wat she do or wat nasty things happen infront of me, i will stil love her with all my true feelings. Thou all the nasty things she said to me, no matter how much im hurt no matter how many tears i shed. I will stil wait for her. I mean it n i will.........
*going to interview with tears still in my eyes*

Lost in emotions

i read her blog n there is something i would like to say about it. In a love relationship there is no who is right or wrong. As long as each other loves each other, everything can be dissolved. Love is the thing and everything to the relationship. No matter what kinda person she changed to, good or bad as long as the person is stil the person i wil not change my decision. There will be no better girl around cuz she is the one who is best n number one in my heart. She had really replaced someone that is in my heart for very long juz that i nv told her about it. I had changedalot too.....i drink alot n i gamble too. Everyone will change due to enviornment factors but who will care when there is still love around us?I remembered all the promises we made in the past. I said this before...no matter what happen i will not give her up so easily. im one guy who treat relationships very seriously. I fall so deep becuz i really cherished her. I dun know if its the same for her. Juz becuz of some little factors she wan me to move on n get a better girl. I would really like her to ask this question herself. "For the past one yr is ur feeling true for me?"
If she really loved me all along in the past i believed that she will not give me up so easily without any serious thinking. Dun keep saying that u r not worth for me anymore. Did u really sconsider about my feeling?? I say u r the best mean u r the best. I aint no perfect guy in this world too. Why cant we juz compromise with each other??? Unless u wanna tell me that all along u doesnt love me at all.........
"I would move heaven and earth to be together forever with you"

Story that doesnt end

Ok... Since all my dear friends like to read long bloggy, i decide to whack everything in. My com restarted before i even type out 1/3 of my entry for today. That doesnt mean that i will skip thoes parts. I will re type no matter how many times my com going to restart. To all the ppl who is reading this entry now. Its stil not too late for u to turn back. Close the window or be sorry. Alrite here i go...

After dissolving all the hatred i have in the relationship, i felt more relax n light weigh. Thou its too late but at least i made it. I think its better for me to suffer alone than make the both of us so unhappy. One thing i can confirm is she is immume to my apologies but stil i wanna say SorrY for the unhappy times i created for her.

Time for today story. Finish my work ard 6 n gave xuanie a call n was arranged to meet up at orchard mrt. But later she called n cancelled it cuz she was going to have a poly gathering. Pff...fine...outta no choice i called shirely to see if shes stil alive. Haha....juz happen that she is going down to Dbl o, so i decided to go n meet her. Quickly shower n change like in the NS times. Rush down there on time (cuz i take cab la) She signed me in cuz she knows someone at Dbl O. Went in around 10 n immdiately ordered drinks. This has been my routine for the past 2 weeks. Shirley the siao char bor ordered 5 jugs of housepour. only 4 ppl orde so much liao. Didnt care much n i drank like nobody business. I left half an hour later n there is 1 n half juggies down my throat. I was determined to go zouk cuz i know she will be there. I wanted to go there n see her n i was so eager. Took a cab n got into zouk 5 mins before 11pm. Like i said for my routine.....once i got there i didnt even say hi to my frds n i went to get myself a drink. Breezer...as usual my fav at zouk. Pop it down before my 3rd song ended. N was dancing like shit..... i missed cue most of my move... Omg...wat is kai doing at that time man.... I happen to take many sips of drink frm many ppl around me. Sound like a leecher??? Everyone was surprised y i was drinking so much recently. I also dun like to drink so much de. I got no choice, this is the only way of making myself numb.... every sec my mind is her.... the more i missed her the more im drinking. So pple who was close to me r able to judge it. Music kinda ok but the crowd sux big time. Alot of ang mohs coming up n making us miserable. Ken was the most poor thing last night. Within 2 hours n hes on his way home.... At one point of time my asthma suddenly attacked n i was like no energy to move anymore. Was sitting down there pple ard was thinking that im seh...DuH~~~ When i got up on my feet again my nemesis came... The song "together forever" At that time tears r queueing up near my eyes waiting to rush out. I was controlling very hard n ziwei asked me to buck up. Thanks for the encouragement dude. U really helped me at that time. Was dancing until one time xuan juz disappeared. Manage to find her n found out that shes having gastric n was very tired. So ziwei n i went off to find her. Dun knw y but recently been really close to xuan. Machiam treating her as my younger sis, mayb i dun have one that y im reacting like that. One reason is shes danny gf too. As a frd looking after her n see her go home safe is a way not to let my good friend worry too. She went off very early wit allen n we went back to zouk. Got ourself a drink before we go back dancing but found out that i got no mood to dance anymore. Been thinking alot n cant concentrate myself. I was dancing n sitting all the way until mambo ended. Went to shell in a car n we were squeezing like hell. LoL! Was joking alot n really make me laugh alot ever since that incident happened to me. Then jo jason and the lead actress came over. Was looking at her most of the time but whenever she look over i will try to hide, i know i had let her down so i dun dare to face her. Was playing 'murderer' game...... LoL damn fun as the victim is to silly to figure out who has his keys. Next is cat's handphone....haha.... went off ard 5 n we took a ride to bukit panjang. Cat took a cab back frm there n after 15 mins then im able to get the next cabby. Was stil in happy mood cuz we r stil joking alot in the car. One sad thing during that journey is we passed by holland V. Then radio was playing eternal love n happen that we pass by the road i used to walk with her frm holland V to clementi. 2 solid hours of walking back her home is really a sweet memory to me. I swear i nv ever forget that. Reached home around 6 n had a long shower cuz i was stil thinkig about her.... asked my mum to get me breakfast n it was my fav nasi lemak. Eat already feeling abit slepy but i still wanna blog. I know i got alot of thing to write n i dun wan to do it after sleep.

Kai is stupid, kai is silly, kai is hopeless n kai is stubborn about this relationship. I had made a very important decision. I decided to wait for her until the day i know its impossbile. Frankly speaking i stil loved her alot n everyday the feeling is getting more n more cuz all along i been missing her alot. No matter wat time where i was or wat i do....i juz cant get her outta my head. She is the one who taught me alot n i admit it, I was taught how to be a better boyfriend n most important is how to be a better person in life. I been changing alot n til now i nv stop trying. I wanna prove to her that i really can do it n i hope she will come back to me one day even to the extend of kneeing down infront of her. I put down alot of my pride n why is that so? Its all becuz of her cuz i wanted to be with her for the rest of my life thats y i dun mind doing everything for her. I know we had alot of arguements n quarrels. But i really hope end of day we stil can be together as 1. I know now there is alot of guy is r better than me around her. But i dun care who is really good or met her criteria. All i was hoping was her love for me is stil there too. Like someone told me before..."if u really love a person alot, u would forgive her no matter wat she had did to u. All the unahppy memories will be replaced by the sweet memories" I hope she will think that way too n give me one more chance. Cuz i really agree to that sentence. No matter how unhappy moments there are, juz think of the happy memories n u will able to make urself feel better. Sent her a msg in friendster n til now stil no reply. Does she really hate me?? Does she really dun love me anymore?? Does she really wanna forget me n dun want to be with me anymore?? Does she really wanna go for another guy who is alot better than me? These qustions has been on my mind throughout the whole mambo. Nothing much i can do n i dun dare to do anything anymore. What i felt like telling her is that If u really still love me n wanted to be with me again pls let me prove to u that i really can make it. Dun let some quarrels end our love vows just like that. I know i made alot of promises n i dun wan to juz let it go without making it come true. One of the things is about buying her a very nice n expensive jeans. I promised to get her one when she is able to wear her jeans again. N i can see that she made it. I will make the promise come true but she muz gimme a chance to fulfil it. There is alot of things i wanna say or do but im scared that i might not have the chance to do it. Alot of things i was unable to recall n jot it down here. I know im kinda useless. Gimme some time. Whenever i tot of something i will quickly blog it down.

Last but not least i wanna say "I love you"

Duh

Today is a holiday n yet... I BEEN STUCK AT HOME!!! Woke up ard 8pm n was having a severe headache. When to take a panadol straight n called xuan thou its already late to go out. Surprise that shes going to stay at her ah ma house n not going anywhere....(hmm i know wats going on okie?? Rem wat i said during mon night? hehe) No choice la so only can stay at home. Watch the national day parade n stil thinks that it so lame. As usual...nothing to do at home my mind will start running wild like a hungry lion outta cage. Log in to my gamie to cut down on the thinking but found out that my mind already conquered the multi tasking issue. Its stil able to run wild no matter wat or how many things im doing. Guess i was really poisoned too deep. I know i m very stubborn. In front of my frds i told them i will get over it but then my heart doesnt wanna. My heart kept lying to me that SHE will return one day thats y til now her belongings r still kept safe with me. Been thinking alot until i was idling in the game. Off it n went to sleep, com is stil on n i dun know y.....hoping that SHE will come talk to me?? Mayb but i really dun know. Been disturb by noise of Msn and i woke up n check wats goin on. It was a a mass conversation with ziwei, cat, jena, kes and seb. Didnt really join in the talking cuz i was stil half awake. Awhile later i went into game n same thing happen as before. Mind keep thinking about HER. M i really used to HER n cant get over it forever??? Been in tots for 5 solid hours n i finally decide to msg HER in friendster cuz i cant think of a way to msg. Everyone muz be thinking that i wanna beg HER to come back to me rite??? All i can say is its impossible, but on the other hand i kept lying to myself that SHE will come back to me one day. But stil its impossible i know it... oh well...i think i m kinda lost, dun know wat i m toking ler. It was sorta peace agreement to HER. I wanted to put down every grudges we used to have and like wat others said wat past is past. I know i m only drawing the line between me n HER. But stil my heart n my mind will keep having war. No matter wat i juz hope she will be doing fine lo.. As for me leh....let me die bah...let me live in the world that im stil believe one day SHE will come back. I know im stubborn but i cant help it.... One yr of Solid relationship n Love u think so easily can let go meh. If fact long ago i already told myself that SHE is the one i wanna spend my life with forever. Thats y when "together forever" was played on sat at Dbl O, i juz cried without any silly reason. Cuz this was the song that i wanna sing to her forever. But then.....reality is cruel....i dun think i have the chance anymore... Well Well..........by sending the peace agreement n typing out this blog, i really felt better. Juz praying hard that tonite there is no "Together Forever" during mambo, cuz i really dun know how to handle if the song is out.

Stil awake

Monday...Eve of National day.... superb but yet imperfect day for me. Woke up at 4pm, manage to get up early cuz i remembered today got steamboat session with roger n gang. Call roger to fix the time to meet up to shop for the foods. Then confirm Danny n Xuan about the meeting. Was meeting 5.30pm but i left home around 4.45pm. I know this time sure late le. But bo bian i gotta rush my assginment for my part time job n needa send in my resume n arrange for interviews. Got a job opportunity for me at a semi conductor company. The one i rejected last year. Cuz i needa go oversea for 4 yrs of training. At that time i got a gf n i loved HER alot so i gave up that golden opportunity. Come to think of it.... i was really stupid at that time. Cuz now then i found out that she doesnt really love me that much. So i went down there n only saw yii waiting. Lucky that she only juz arrived not that long ago. Yii told me roger is going to late too, and one more thing is xuan is not meeting us! While waiting we went to a indian coffee shop to have a drink. Orderd Teh Tarek n it was god damn sweet. Roger called n asked us to get the food first as he was on his way already. So i called danny n ask if he's joining us or if he's on his way already. At that time he sounded kinda pissed off n i found out that they quarrel again. No wonder xuan is not meeting us at Tekka Mall. She said she might be late or even not going to eat. If u really didnt come juz now i would have killed you! Haha......So we bought the food n roger came in a short while. Paid for the things n wee hopped on a cab n reached roger's hse in a very short while. Prepared the food with yii while roger is talking to his ah gong.

Surprise that xuan is the next to reach before danny. Talk to her awhile and found out that it over a small thingy again. U 2 ah..... everytime like dat de leh. Since i m so free now i dun mind being ur middle man to solve ur problems. Cuz i dun wan any of my frds ended up like me. I know u will be reading this.....haha! u 2 better buck up n give in to each other more, I cant be a middle man for too long wait people will say i so kpo for wat.

When everyone arrived we started the steamboat immediately. Everyone is so hungry by then including the late ones. Hehe.. Food was really great n the soup was damn super power. Enjoying til half xuan got a call n went far away to talk. Alrite...im not dumb n blind ok... I know sure got things cock up again. After awhile she told us that shes going to meet her mum cuz of some urgent thingys. OMG! thats the lousiest lie i ever heard. But frankly speaking.. i would rather u telling me the truth than keeping me in the dark. Im a guy who dun like frds to lied to me... tok to u at sentosa liao so u roughly know wat i want rite??? So dun be scare next time, i wun BITE la! I juz feel very unhappy about it cuz... Y cant SHE leave me alone n let me be with my frds for one day. Why muz my appointment be ruined by HER. Sat is already so bad n now monday attacked me again. I was havng the rest of te meal feeling very sad and unhappy. Luckily got cheerful roger to clear away some of my dark clouds. Planned to go devilsbar but suddenly changed our mind to go sentosa n find xuan. Reason is very simple, we dun knw wat xuan is doing down there n we dun know wat kinda of pple is she meeting. Mayb there r some Big Bad Wolf there. Danny was so worried n we decided to go down to find xuan without any early notice.

Reached there ard 2+ n found xuan very easily cuz that place is kinda small. By that time then we set our mind at ease esp danny. Xuan is only a lil bit high. Juz imagine...if we r not there she might ended up drunk n we dun dare to imagine wat would happen if there is really some bad guys among her group there. So xuan ah dun say ur bf dun care about u..in fact he really does but he doesnt know how to express it nia. I can use ur good good frd zhikai's head to bet with u ok? Reached there within 5 mins we went to buy a jug of beer. Finished it within 15 mins n i went over to ken's table to drink with ziwei n allen. I admit i was high at that time but im not drunk!!! Was having alot of fun n laughter with the mambo group. Dun even care who the fuk the next table was. Thou one guy in black with spec at the next table kept staring at me. I dun gif a fuk about him cuz at that time i was really in good mood n was enjoying. Everyone was kinda sad cuz there is no mambo but to me....i couldnt think properly le so dun even care wat shit music the dj was spinning. Took alot of photos n i muz admit that this is the first time i took so many photos at one shot. Cant post it up cuz i dun even know the camera belong to who.. hahahaha.... Dun care n juz keep taking n taking.

Music finished at 4 n part of the group left and only Cat, Danny, Roger, Yii, Irene n i was left. We decided to sit around to chat cuz stil dun wanna leave so early. Then we took a bus ride outta sentosa n was chatting with cat until everyone went off the bus n we r talking. Then yii's frd irene went off too. So left 5 of us n we decided to go Tanjong Pagar to have roti prata. I muz say it's really a big fuking damn long walk there. As we were walking, something happen to me. My mind juz dun act according to my command. i kept thinking about the past i used to have n happen that it's all thoes sweet memories with HER. I was knocking my head n keep asking my mind to stop all thoes thinking. But stil it wun listen to me. I was suffering along the way then i told yii about it. She said that i really had done my best at Sentosa so for the rest of it i need alot of time to get over it. Well....after that we reached the prata place n we ordered food..... Before eating, i heard someone shouting at me. IT WAS DENIS!!! Omg...i cannot imagine i would see him there. He joined us n we r joking like hell. Denis is alwiz the best guy at making me laugh. N he told us that he juz finished his work... i was like wow~~~ Decided to go off at 6.30am cuz everyone is very tired, including me.

Took a cab back n reached home around 7.30am. Had a nice shower and check my mails. Paid up some of my bills online cuz i juz got my pay today. Not bad la... free lance job n i got $648 for the first half month. But nvm...if i manage to pass the interviews for the job i juz applied, my life will be stable ler. I will become a engineer...woooooo nice name eh?? haha!! they say $2200 for starting pay n i think its really worth it also. But then... i have to go overseas for 4 yrs of training. Really blame myself for not accepting the job last yr cuz this time the benefits r lesser. Wanted to sleep but i cant!!! My mind start messing with me again. It keep thinking about thoes memories i used to have with HER again.... I was suffering alone this time n i knocked my head against the wall. OUCH!!! that really hurtz.... but compared to the hurtz n cracks i have in my heart, its really nothing. I really wanted to forget HER cuz i know there is no more turning back for the relationship. I know she will not come back to me anymore but y m i stil feeling so bad. I guess the only thing to save me is the job. It will take me overseas for 4 yrs n this is the chance to change myself n give myself a new start. SHE dun love me anymore dun say miss me abit so i must not continue being sad n lonely. I muz have a change in my life n forget her totally, i really wanted to but its really hard. Can someone teach me how??? These 2 weeks i already changed alot...including my drinking ability. Juz now i drank so much but im only high can see that i m inproving. Til now i stil cant sleep even thou i been blogging for some time, another reason is my mind stil spinning. But not as bad as juz now... Juz received a msg frm shirley. The ger that treated me e-33 at phuture last 2 weeks. My only reply for her is that i needa time to get over my past relationship before i can give u any answer. Pls forgive me n be patience i will try my best to give u an answer ASAP. Think now the only thing i can do is go pack up HER remaining clothes n accessories including that 3 piglets n one pig SHE name BarBar. Gotta throw them away cuz i dun wanted to be reminded of anything anymore. I m really suffering whenever im at home thats y i been going out whenever i can. Today is national day. Whoever wanna go out can call me. I will be only sleeping a few hours cuz i dun wanna miss out a holiday. Haha!!

Wats Wrong???

Fri:

Was playing game thru the whole night n met steve for lunch at causeway point. Went home ard 2 to take a nap cuz later stil have to meet danny n rest to jason's bbQ. Request Xuan to meet abit late cuz i wana watch DragonBall Z. But who knows.... No more le!!! Was kinda sad...then went to meet up with xuan at marsiling mrt then we slowly head down to jason place. Reach there ard 7.30pm and we r the first few to reached. Jason cook his pasta n order alot of food. Thou he didnt invite alot ppl but his food was kinda alot. Talking about the food. Its really great.. from the pasta to the curry and the salad. Even the bbQ items r fabulous too. Thanks alot jason. That night SHE was there too. Not going to do anything i guess cuz i really enjoying myself that night. So i was ignoring her like wat i did on wed during mambo. Oh.. and also have to thanks jason for the beer too. Sorry that we ate alot.. Danny n i was like taken 3 meals each over there. BEfore going back we were deciding what to do as we decide to have some programs at night. Wast able to meet oger n yii cuz they r only going to town for dinner. So our itchy hands starts again. We tot of playing mahjong. But only 3 of us. Then i suddenly tot of cat. Before going out i was chatting with her on msn. She sound kinda sad cuz she gotta stay in ntu for meeting, mayb she will miss her mahjong session. So we decided to give her a call n ask, n she happen to be staying in ntu. So we jio her n we left jason's place at 12.10am. Was nuaing insie danny hostel n 1 thing to headache is we dun even have a table n the mahjong set. So dany was running ard borrowing frm his frds. Started the session at 2 n end ard 7+. Only played 2 rounds but its enuff for us. Cuz xuan was very tired n somemore she's stil sick. Danny was the only one losing that day n we go off immediately after the mahjong. Send cat back to her hall n i took a bus to jurong point n take a cab home. Had a shower n i immediately sleep. @ nights without sleep n i m able to manage it well. Not bad.....

Sat:

Woke up after 11 hrs of sleep and i was feeling very weird. I cant explain tht kind of feeling but i was feeling very very sad n moody. So as usual i called xuan to ask wat r we gonna do tonight. She told me that SHE is going Dbl O too. So i told xuan if SHE going, im not. I may be ignoring HER for the past 2 weeks. But dun knw y today i dun feel like seeing HER at all. Its ok for me not to go cuz i have some other programs at other places too. So i went down to meet aaron with steve as aaron got some $$ for us to earn. Was discussing until 9+ then we had our dinner. Was suppose to meet Danny n xuan at bugis n they r like super late n they decide to go orchard cuz they got a frd going n has a car. So i was suppose to meet them at orchard but when i finish my dinner it was like 10.30pm already. So i arrange to meet them at Singapore shopping center. Steve n i walked to Plaza singapura cuz he wants to take a train home. So we parted there n i ran to find a toilet. Reached Singapore shopping centre and i didnt see any bus stop around. I went to the nearest bus stop ard that took me 5 mins of walk. Waited 20 mins n no sign of them. I got worried n i ran back to Park mall looking for a public phone to call xuan. Couldnt find any phone n i asked the security of park mall where to get a public phone. They said they isn't any around, i was kinda worried but luckily the security offered to lend me his handphone cuz i told him it was a short call. i confirm with xuan the location again n i walked back to where i waited again. It was damn tiring u know.. Waited for so long n finally they came. We reached Dbl O ard 1035pm n as we were waiting to get in, Xuan told me roger n yii is joining us too. i was delighted cuz they r here too. BUT one more thing... after that xuan told me that SHE is coming to Dbl O tonight too. I was damn shocked n felt very disappointed at that time. Like wat i said earlier, today i totally dun feel like seeig HER n i dun knw why. I even told xuan that i dun mind not going Dbl O if SHE is there. But then its already too late, gab n adrian is waiting for me there already. Out of no choice i have dragged myself up there. I was wondering y xuan didnt inform me earlier, is it becuz she wan to have me around too? But i had made my point very clear to her already. I was feeling very moody n sore the moment i reached the place. I went to find aaron straight n he offered me a barcadi breezer. After saying thanks i shot down the bottle in 2 mins cuz i was feeling even sore as every sec is going by. Music started n everyone went to centre plat without telling me or anything. Left danny n i was around the dj console. I was thinking....since u want everyone to be there n enjoy that night then dun juz throw me aside. If u wanna throw me aside THEN dun ask me to come. I was there alone feeling sore n as together forever came. I dun knw what the hell happen i suddenly felt very sad n i cried!!! Alrite u guys may think i m weak and useless right. Muz be laughing at me rite?? But im a human too. I have feelings too.. Was crying very hard used alot of tissue that gab passed to me. Like gab said..."since we r here...enjoy urself. SHE is enjoying over there n while u r crying here. is it worth it?" I tot of it n i control myself very hard to stop crying. After that i decide to dance....was doing well at dancefloor. But dun knw y after i reached the plat i dun seems to have the mood to dance anymore. Less than 5 songs n i stopped. Went back to dj console n stand there for the whole night. I wanna thanks thoes who r with me when im down. Esp to Gab n Danny. U 2 r with me everywhere i go. Around 1+ roger n gang decided to stop n they walked over to the dj console. The moment i saw HER, i turned n walked away. Everyone say i shldnt do that but at that time no one understands my feeling at all. After a while roger suggested that since im so so bored n bad at Dbl O, y not change place. So 4 of us. Danny, roger, yii n i went to Devilsbar. reaching there i was calmed down abit already. Basically to devils, everything is sponsored by rogern yii. Entrance n even food! hey ordered chicken wings n asked me wat i wan. I ordered a ham n cheese pizza. Was feeling very pai seh but they say got voucher so its ok.danny n roger was drinking alot and yii was enjoying. I was down there trying to recover back to normal. Danny left before 4 cuz his bro did not bring his keys n no one is at home. By that tie danny is kinda seh seh le but i know he sure can make it de. Left 3 of us n we sat until 6am til everything in devils ended. Was back to my normal state already n 3 of us were hungry at that time. We decided to go to AMK for breakfast. Had prawn noodles at the hawker n roger order wrong one for yii n in the end he had to swallow all the power chillis himself. Haha... we r joking n having our breakfast. Then i rem there is a famous carrot cake ard n i orderd a plate n found out its really good!! YuM YuM~~ Found out that we order alot of drinks too. After food we had some discussion about my matters. After talking one bad thing happens. No more cigarettes le...alamak!!! So we went to 7-11 n we shared a pack n roger wana cut hair. As it was stil early, we went to s-11 to chat n ordered a few drinks.Long time we 3 nv chatted for so long... everthing under the sun n we joked alot too. Even joked with the ah soh serving coffee..LoL..Time pass very the fast, it was lunch time n we had chicken rice. We r planning for steamboat n it was decided on monday evening cuz it was eve of public holiday. After lunch everyone is tired n we went off. I went to take mrt home n roger went to have his haircut. If i didnt rem wrong, we left at 12pm. Reached home n had a quick shower, wanting to blog but i was too tired so gave it a miss. Sleep at 1 n it was another 12 hrs of sleep. Woke up at 1am n i blog immediatel cuz i dun wan to forget anything. Now i was feeling very hungry n how m i gonna find food at this kinda hours???

Very tired

Wed was kinda simple yet not so havok. Met danny at orchard mrt around 5.45pm. Well i was late so very sorry cuz needa help a frd burn some cds. Haha! We went to taka 7-11 shared a drink and while waiting for xuan, we r toking about "qian bian wen da ti" Then we proceed to Mushroom pot to check out the price cuz we cant decide wat to eat. Xuan reached there before we do. So we walked around cuppage n see if there is anythg nice too. After looking at so many unreasonable prices, we decided to settle our dinner at a jap buffet store or rather foodcourt?? it was combine into one. It was damn cheap as it was only $11.90 for dinner. (it was student price n i mange to escape being check) The food look kinda cheap too cuz very no standard n they even got hotdog sushi. Thou food isnt that good but we stil enjoy it alot n as usual we joke like nobody business. And most important thing is we broke our last shshi buffet record!!!! Last time was 36 n this time was 37! Haha.. Den we were deciding wat to do as time is stil very the early. The wanted to play pool but they know i dun like as have to company me play lan again. Hehe..sorry la next time u 2 go play pool i company u both lo.
Times up and it time for mambo~ Wanted to take a cab but bus 16 was here first so save money lo..haha... went in very early n was like kinda empty to us cuz no regulars we know but only 3 of us. One by one turned up n the music start very early. So our mambo started very early too.. Like a prayer come n we all went up the plat. Dun knw when i joined into the grp liao. Haha... Music was normal to me mayb i din drink much bah but stil manage to dance alot cuz the grp infront was of was really funny n having lotsa laughter with them.
We left early n went to shell with danny's frd n was having instant noodles. Soon after the gang arrived and awhile later danny n his frds left cuz some were tired n got something on in the morning. Xuan n i stayed n were chatting with the mambo regulars. Joke alot n laughed like nobody business. I can only say this grp of ppl r really great. 5+ and we left divded into 2 grps. Sebastian send the 4 of us home n i found out that it was such a long journey for him but stil he dun mind it at all. First to bishan then to bukit batok. Then Ntu n finally to woodlands den he have to drive home to bukit panjang. By the time i reached home it was already 1hr plus journey. Had a cold shower n made me so awake. Xuan say wanna msn cuz she decided nt to sleep. Din see her online i guessed she was too tired mayb due to tues night she nv sleep well bah. Was chatting with cat again. Very short chat n i went to sleep. Woke up at 6.30 and realised i was having a very good sleep. All thanks to the rain god has given me! Was very cold n chilling and i dun feel like getting up at all. Damn shiok ah~~ so long nv sleep so well le. Was chatting with cyndi abit before watching the fishball drama. Hope that i can have my dinner after the drama. Feel like going out tomorrow, hopefully will be able to meet up with danny as he will end his lesson early. Will i be stayingat home or going out leh???

Peaceful days

Mon n tues was kinda peaceful to me. Stay in woodlands n didnt go far, mayb becuz weekends too crazy le so needa rest abit til wed mambo.

Mon was kinda boring as i woke up n feeling very hot. Den was online for games for the whole day til evening time i went to bugis to meet a fren. Sat at starbucks n was chit chatting. Wasnt paying much attention and in fact i didnt talk much cuz i was staring at her. Esp her smile that made my moody day feel better. After that i went to meet the gang, we had dinner near gab wdls hse n we proceed to adrian's hse. Gab play ps2 while steve, adrian and i r saving the pc. Not forgeting my dosage to liquior, adrian opened his extra bottle of vodka raspberry. Til 1+ we ended the day by going to shell n had our supper. Reached home around 2 n was chatting with xuan and catherine on msn. Xuan was so hapy cuz her bought bought a LV bag for her. While Catherine n i were chatting about our sad stories. Know alot of things that happen to her during the chat. Time pass very fast. When we ended our conversation n i realised its 6am in the morning.

Tues.. woke up at 2 plus. was playing my Gth n manage to lvl to 52, Den watched kids central for my daily dosage of DragonBall Z n Masked Rider Ryuki. Was waiting for xuan to contact me as she was thinking of going out today. No sound frm her i guess the meeting is cancelled. Adrian called ard 6+ n ask us to come out for dinner. He was planning for froggies leg since yesterday. We met at causeway point n take a slow walk down to the coffeeshop. Gab brought his own controller as he was planning to play game at adrian hse again. So we went n this time i was playing with gab cuz got another controller. Steve n adrian stil struggling on the pc. Well not forgetting the remainding vodak raspberry, we manage to finish it in no time. Stop at 3 n we went back.

This is all that happen on these two days. Simple n sweet. Was hoping to go out for some walk tomorrow. Provided able to find xuan also. Time to go to bed. After long hrs of playing im really tired now...

Fantastic Saturday!!!

Well well well. I must admit today is the most enjoyable day of life. Never been so crazy before. Slept at 6 woke up at 12. Only 6 hrs of sleep n my eyes r kinda red n watery. Everyday i woke up n i tell myself "Today i must live n enjoy better than her" So i called xuan n haapen that they r juz awake also. So we r planning for today's havok n juz nice yii joined in the conversation. Yii will only off work ard 3.pm so the plan is i meet danny n xuan at toa payoh. Before leaving hse anki msn me. n we chatted bout 1hr, she gave me alot of kind words as she know about my incident. She also explained to me wat kind of girl is my ex-gf. Very detailed...made me understand n know alot about this type of ger. About their thinking n actions. Thou i know not 100% accurate but i really appreciate that. Thank you Da Jie!!! So i went out after that n took a train down to toa payoh. Danny said 3.30pm but they showed up at 3.55pm. Forgive them cuz today we r coming out to have fun. So we meet n while waiting for yii to call we went to mac cuz im darn hungry at that moment. Suddenly they tot of playing pool so we headed to nearby pool centre n too bad itz full house. Left with no choice... Lan game! Nearly 2 hrs of nonsense playing n we decided to stop. Xuan complain hungry so we juz pop by nearby food court to have our meal. Well before that roger already went to lucky plaza to have his malay food n he deicided not to join us at the steamboat session. So.. today no steamboat!!! Luckily the western food really satisfied our stomach 3 of us shared two plate of it. So now another headache is to go Dbl O or to go Devilsbar??? Cuz 3 of us would prefer Dbl O music but yest already told roger we will go Devilsbar. Really cannot decide so we went to xuan hse to nua first. Really nothing we can do as her xbox n pc r kinda out of order. Danny n i suggested to watch vcd. The show is really damn funny, everyone was lauffing till cannot stop. As the show ended we found out that we r kinda late le so we hopped onto a cab n i called adrian. Luckily hes going tonite so can share cabby back.
Reached Dbl O ard 1030 n we went in. Immediately adrian order a jug of vodka ribena. Before he drink anything, danny n i drank 2/3 of it. Poor adrian... have to order any juggy. hehe...cant blame me cuz these 2 weeks i really drank alot of liquior n beer. Can say im kinda trained up abit liao. 11.30pm music start to gets retrolicious n we dance n dance. Danny was kinda sian as we know he dun like clubbing so much recently. Xuan keep pulling us to centre plat n finally we went cuz shes kinda noisy u know. LoL.. music is getting up high n we r dancing n enjoying the music. Suddenly got three super seh ger came up. Keep knocking at us til danny is down n xuan is pissed off. Well of cuz im kinda angry too but one of them realised n tok to me n apologies... ok...let it go first. I got no mood to bother about them cuz the moment i step onto the plat i noticed this ger. Gosh!!! she is very sweet n when she smiles omg.... can melt an iceberg. This ger was looking at me n was having the look of curious, mayb its the first time she saw ppl dancing like that??? Well moments later she start to follow the retro style. Thinking for so long i decided to smile at her, n the response is very good! Well zhikai is kinda lucky tonight eh?? HeHe.. Then Xuan n Danny left at 2am. kinda sad cuz itz stil early but danny frd is sending him home n xuan went back to her own hse too. I notice that ger starts to move close with her grp of friends n poof! We chatted..Her name eve ( very nice name!)...We were chatting while dancing until 3+ she gotta leave cuz one of her frd is almost deaded. She gave me her num n said mayb tmr can meet up for lunchie. That point of time was like cloud 9?? nono cloud 999!!! Hahaha... After she left im realised that 3 super seh gers r stil on the plat. They r god damn seh until guys around the plat was aiming at them. I saw many transformed into wolfy!!Adrian asked me to drink with him cuz the GM of Dbl O treated him2 juggies. So 1 juggy for each of us. After drinking i went back to centre plat n continue dancing. Suddenly one of the super seh ger grabbed me n we were drity lancing.....first time in my life i ever do that n its feeling is kinda good mayb becuz i get to know eve tonight. And one by one they danced with me n i was thinking is this kinda "tofu buffet" god gave me?? My claws came out n my razor teeth showed! I become one of the wolfy + aliigator (buaya)!!!!!!! Hahahahaha kai is one lusty boy tonight!!! Danced til 4am n music ended. The 3 gers left n said "see ya next week" i was kinda freaked out. This kinda thing one time enuff le bah.
Adrian n i went to eat our "bar chor mee" n we headed home straight. Chated with adrian about his future n i realised adrian finnaly wanna settle down le. Out of 4 2 already gonez. So left with Steve n i. I told myself i really enjoy this particular week. Wed mambo, friday ktv pub and sat Dbl O. This whole week was packed with alot of fun n laughter.... Im really glad i have good frds that r around me when im down and they pulled me alot. I really wan to thks thoes who had talk to me n went out with me these 2 weeks. I really felt better....n specially wanna thanks xuan n danny for meeting me. Suddenly think that xuan n i became good buddies! She listened alot of my complains thou she cannot gimme any constructive suggestions. But really Thanks alot!!! Well time to sleep.. hope i can wakie around lunchie time if lucky i might get to see someone that made my night so colourful~!~!~!~!

Cheap N Fun

Last night was planning to go out on fri n sat. So i slept ard 2+ in order not to overslept the next day. Woke up at 12 n on my com immediately to see if Danny n xuan if awake already. Well i was surprised to see xuanie tan already online. So i ask her if danny goh is awake, she juz feel kinda unhappy about a lil conflict they had last night. Well, time for kai the middle man to do something. Haha! lucky is only a small issue. So as we had planned earlier, orchard mrt 2pm.
Reached there on time, in fact 5 mins earlier! phew~~ wasnt late so no need to treat! But then xuanie tan was earlier than me....cuz she doesnt wanna home alone so went out earlier. So as usual danny goh is gonna late for a long long time. I dragged xuanie tan to Kino to look for books, then we head down to cold storage to get a drink. I saw this toy fair and i was like omg!! So i went round to see if there is any Transformers... but then dont have.. Pulling a long face n we went to buy drinks n go meet danny. Walked around as time is stil early n discovered that nothing much to see at HmV nowadays.
Times up!! 3 of us chiong for the buffet. Joke alot as we eat, n i told them today quota is 45 plates. All tried very hard to make it but in the end only 36 plates conquered. Even to the extend of hiding the rice under the plates, cant imagine i really did that! After the heavy lunch we contacted roger n yii to ask if they wanna to go chill out at pub. While waiting for their reply we went to cineleisure to look out for my transformers. ExiKaiser is here in singapore!! but only one for display de. Zhikai feel very disappointed again~~ We decided to drop by kes's working place to visit him a lil. He was kinda surprised to see us too, we chatted quite awhile as danny is playing his racing game in the shop for FREE. At that time we already dun have the idea to chill out anymore so we were thinking if roger wanna go over to xuanie place to play mahjong. The plan failed in the end as roger n yii gotta work tmr. N suddenly danny's fren decided to go to the pub again. Left with no choice, nothing to do n dun wan to go home so early...we decided to go.
15 mins to bus trip n we reached chinatown n went to this ktv pub call lollipop! 2 of them were playing dice n i was having the tibits...Soon after danny's frens showed up n i realised is his fren that he know when playing A3.. so it was kinda like A3 meetup session eh? Beer came n we were drinking, they were joking around having fun and i was alone in my deep thoughts...... thinking about its a week since we broke up. My life is only black n white after that...No more colours no more fun.As thoes chinese songs came out i got even more moody n my mind is thinking more n more. Suddenly i tell myself... i cannot suffer just like that!!! She is having fun on the other side, why should i be feeling moody n sad!!! I joined in the group, joke around n sing with them. Felt better after that cuz danny's frends r really one crazy group. Cannot stop laughing while danny is making fun of himself during singing. At 1130 we decided to leave cuz i dun wanna waste $$ on cabby. Cuz we planned to have mahjong session n steamboat at xuanie place tmr! so we left n i took a bus that left me in deep thoughts for 1hr 15mins. Really thks both of them for today.. hope they dun mind a light bulb following them around.. Gotten home had a nice shower n start blogging. Needa sleep early cuz if nothing goes wrong we will be meeting ard 3-4pm tmr. But first i gotta do something. Is to try out new online game that kes has given us. Its free so he dun mind giving us one copy each. Lets juz hope tmr is another chaotic day!!

Oh my god! this is the 3rd time im writing this blog. My com keep restarting. Im getting kinda pissed. So i juz have to retype again. I went mambo in the end. Meet roger n yii n Yck mrt. I was kinda blur n asking myself y m i going out?? Guess i feel like seeing her again bah. Then my mood started to get abit cloudy...5 mins of waiting n they showed up. In order to cover up my mood n blur blur i joked with them as usual and we slowly head down to zouk. Roger got a member card frm his fren but he only can sign 2 ppl in. So we decided to split the cost between 3 ppl. I went in by zouk cuz there is no queue. Straight i headed to the dancefloor n start dancing to myself, soon after i reached the music is already good. Roger came to me n told me that another of his fren got member too. So my $20 went down the drain, but roger stil treated me an e-33. As i drink n dance at the same time, my body get heated up n im getting high. I pop onto S-plat n dance like nobody business. After "drive me crazy" i heard the background music. I jumped off s-plat n ran off to centre plat. I m confirmed its my fav "like a prayer" I screamed like hell n dance, at that point of time i already forgot everything around me. Suddenly i realised there is a group of gers looking n following my moves. So happy! Long time dun have this kinda of feeling le. Hahaha! Haven been so high ever since i got a gf. Now im back to single n i m enjoying the feeling of clubbing. But soon reached 1am i started to cool off n feel abit lazy n no energy to dance.
I remembered i was here to meet a fren too. So i leave the plat giving my spot to catherine. I was having headache as i dun know how to find my fren in phuture. But who knows... easily i found her. Straightaway she treated me one e-33 n we went to dancefloor. We were 1 to 1 dancing n soon after one song ends she hugged me n told me not to think so much as the relationship is already over, muz look forward. At that time i was so glad n i really appreciate the kindess. Then she insisted that she wan to treat me to another drink. I told her i cant drink anymore but in the end we shared a bottle of e-33. So thats 2 n 1/2 bottle for me. She asked me to go back zouk n have my fun, if my night ended bad she will be angry...haha!
So i slowly dragged myself back to zouk n yii gave up her spot to me. As i promised my fren that i will end the night happily, i start to dance again. this time even more fierce than before. Kai is losing control!!! After awhile there is 2 gers came up the plat. N we teased the guy beside her, then the ger suddenly grabbed the guy n do dirty dancing. Body to body sticking together, the guy were stunned n didnt move while the guys around r having nose bleed. LoL!!!
Around 3+ crowd start to go off n centre plat was kinda empty. We sat around n waiting for the last song to arrive. I was looking at her sometimes n i noticed that she didnt even turned n look at me. Well guess im nothing to her after we had broke up. She was having her own fun n i was having mine. I told myself...isnt it better for both of us?? Since she doesnt care about me anymore, y m i so stupid....y does i stil care abit for her while she dun? I tried to washed away the thinking n things get back to normal as the last few songs r good. Dance abit n i went to shell station with ken. We sat around awhile n i was force to leave as roger's fren is waiting for us in the car. I tot that we could stay n chatted abit longer. At least yii was having the same feeling too. But we cant stopped roger in the end, haha. His fren dropped me at bukit timah i took a cab home. Was chatting with the cab driver til home. Cab fare was $14 n i saved $4. Thanks to roger n his fren.
After reached home i prepared my cup noodle i bought at Shell station and had a great shower. I sat down infront of the comp to had my supper n soon after i finished my meal xuanie tan is online. We chatted until 6am n logged off. Thanks for the chat... pai seh to take up ur sleeping time. We r planning to go out on sat for movie n 1 for 1 sushi!!! Cant wait til sat cuz im craving for sushi for a long time!!! Friday was added in as they planned to go out also. Lets hope everything will be good...

Normal start

Out of boredom i decide to write my name on the wall!! Ahahaha how is it. Kai is getting more n more mischief. Whole week is normal for me. Sleep at 10 woke up at 8. Play game in the day n meeting friends for dinner at night. Everyday routine is the same. Now.... today is wednesdae, my butt is getting abit itchy. A fren of mine asked me down to zouk, to be exact.. she is going to phuture.... But yall shld know i will stay at zouk for mambo...Hmm... shld i go or shld i not??
shld i go or shld i not?? shld i go or shld i not?? shld i go or shld i not?? shld i go or shld i not?? shld i go or shld i not?? shld i go or shld i not?? shld i go or shld i not?? shld i go or shld i not??
ahhhhhhhh going insane soonzzzz LoLoLoLoLoLoL

Gate to Heaven

Well, playing the game too much also boring, so i had some screenshots taken.. GoGo!! hope i will be lvl 50 by this sundae night or later Monday afternoon. Been playing games to forget thing. Trying to forget the r/s i used to have which is ajuz ended few days ago.Pple can say im a rubbish that doesnt wan to work. Who cares!!! Im free n easy now. I'll do wat i like and wat makes me happy :D

Gaming for whole weekend

These few days been trying hard to get over things. Well, all i can do is dive into my online game GTH. Play n sleep play n sleep. Time pass very fast, yes very fast and i was feeling better as my charc goes lvling up every few hours. But the worst part is my sleeping time, i keep dreaming about her. Oh wat the shit, i been trying hard to get things over n yet i keep dreaming about her. Guess "Zhou Gong" is making fun of me, but stop its aint fun at all. Now i keep telling myself to sleep less n play more. To avoid her appearing more in my dream, i sleep 2 hrs n wake up, but it doesnt work at all!!! So i guess today i will juz play until im dead n let myself auto fall back to sleep.
One more thing i m curious about, how is she doing?? But i guess only one answer will be confirm. Is having fun and more fun, Since she finds me a bother to be her bf. Now im gone so i guess she will have even more havok n fun in her life. Going clubbing every moment she can dig out?? Well, i wanted to drop all thoes thinking but.....can u when u had a relationship that is so deep n true for a yr plus?? M i being a fool all along?? All the things i wanted didnt turn out in the end. On the other hand all she cares was having fun n clubbing. Does she really put in to the relationship??? Wat is really going on after the cool down, we r together almost everyday. Things r getting better n sweeter. She stil meet me as usual do things that we usually do. Everything seems to become normal again. But... one day her mother juz bombed me asking for her to go home, her mum used nasty words on me til i really have to go hiding. Everything Goes weird after that. She goes home after work if not she will jus stick at home not going anywhere. Til wed......She juz start a quarrel out of nowhere n asked me not to go mambo. That time i really wanted to go but she dun seems understandig enough. I woke up in the morning n told her i m waiting till night time to go mambo with her. But all she was thinking is becuz i wan to supervise on her n making her life miserable. Wat i told her in the morning she all forgotton?? What i planned for whole day juz go into drain by her thinkig n principle. She only think about the bad of me but never ever consider about the good of me. Well mayb i did not have any good. Dont wan me to go can say juz like she taught me using the soft approach, but she never, She juz fuked me up like that. Wed night is spoiled is a small thing to me, but the r/s is over is really a matter to me. Since things already became so bad i might as well make it worst. I wanted to end it forever so i became a bastard in her life, she said knowing me is the worst thing in my life. I was so glad i m finally a bastard in her life, that she will forever rem me a an enemy. I'm sure wthin days she will forget me n i will get over it soon. This is the way i wan..since she doesnt this r/s anymore, i will juz make it worst n disappear at instant. rather than dragging n dragging like before. Without dragging i think its better for both of us n better for her. I had fulfilled her last wish n frm now onwards we got nothing to do with each other anymore. U can do watever u wan, no one will control u. You r free to do anythg at anytime. But one thing i cant fulfilled guess let other guy do it then. She asked if someday anything really happen to her n her mum will i be there for her. I said i will.... but i broke the promise. but dun worry i will not break anymore promise as we had no more promises now n in the future.
Im suffering every sec...esp when i m asleep. No one is at my side helping me out. Wat m i gonna do to pass this miserable time of mine. I really wanted to get up on my feet again. Starting a new n peaceful life but question is When??????

Story comes to an end

Wat do u get from being a guy whos trying to change for the better n the realtionship? Getting shouted and become a puncing bag is wat u get. All along i been trying hard to save back the relationship. I put down my pride, learn how to be a better man n a better boyfriend. But i realised the more i give in the more she wans to step on my head. All the anger i taken these few weeks i can only drink it down like a can of coke n burp it out like nothing has ever happen. She keep telling me to control my temper and dun ever let it out on her for no reason. But she cant do that do herself. Hours ago, she juz shouted at me like a crazy bitch. For no reason she juz did that. I was caring for her wanted to go mambo to have so fun n look out for xuan too. She juz keep thinking that im controlling her like a kid. If i really dun feel like going i wouldnt go. Everyone knows that esp her. Too many things happen in mambo every week, n she is stil so naive to think that she is safe. When trouble really comes, who to cry out to? That Big bad wolf chris??? Dun think he will care i believe. Hes only interested in ur body than ur business dude. I knw thoes who is frd of chris will not like wat i said here. Who cares?
Out of anger.....n out of sadness i became crazy. I kept bombing her hp non stop. And she told me not to make her hates me more......So... u been hating e all along eh??? So wats the issue of getting back with me, the underground relationship??? R u looking for someone to confront u for the time being ?? Until u r totally recover frm the scars u had from our relationship then u will juz walk out of me? Mayb its the time n the time is todae that y u chose to start a quarrel for no reason. U alwiz ask me to take the soft approach, but u never did. Dun keep asking pple to do wat u cant do. I been trying very hard to have u back but u keep thinking that im in the wrong. Watever i said or done is wrong to u, on the other hand u only believe in wat ur "friends" been saying or doing. Is it fair? Juz becuz of one mistake i done in the past u can nevr think i will be correct for one time?
I dun care wat ur mum judge about me, even she say im useless n im a rusbbish i dun care. Wat really hurts me is u doing that to me. Why cant u ever put down ur principle once n listen wat others have to say to u. Dun juz keep thinking that wat u think is correct. Even is pple corrects u, u try to deny it. Thoes frds that doesnt say things about u cuz they really dun know u well. They only know when they want to have fun they asked u out. Thoes that really able to pin point ur bads r ur true frds. Believe it or not, this is a fact.
Im now in depressed mode. i cant concentrate n do anything. I know this time is for real. There is no hope for the relationship anymore. Luckily my ex-gf or rather i say my very good frd rachel msg me in msn, talking to her makes me feel better by abit. Thou is a normal chat but a chat at this kinda time is realy a great help to me. Thanks alot.. All i can do now is pack up my feelings n hope that i can get over it soon. Wishing that there is a better future ahead of me. Time for me to find some big bags n throw all the unwanted stuffs away. Including some of the memories......

Deaded

Meeting up with the gaqng was postphoned for 1/2 an hr. so decided so slack ard. As i had planned, i didnt dare to take any phone calls. Even to the extend of plucking out the phone lines. But who knows....got attacked on the hp. Recieved 3 sms, these 3 sms really spoilt my day, went out looking like a zombie until all of them showed up. Forced to put on a happy to act as if nothing had happen. i couldnt tell anyone due to some reasons. Followed gabriel to courts to order his shoe cabinets n then went to his hse nearby to had our dinner, asked gab's mum along. Food is quite good n we chatted about adrian's issue. Later we take a slow walk to my hse opp to hunt for some durians. Each came out $1 n we had quite alot.After that slow walk around the area again n gab finally decided to take a cab home with his wife. Normally i would feel happy if there is durian for me, but this time is a sure no.The 3 sms kept spinning in my head, its a totally insult to me. Juz cant get over it so i decided to play game. Was tired but unable to sleep. So i played for 12 hrs... Finally the rain comes n i start to feel hungry. Grab myself a pack to magi mee n some meat balls. Didnt had much as my mood is still bad. Tot that the games can numb my brain cells abit but no. Soon after my meal i came in n blog. Stomach filled, tired + weather is good, i hope i will doze of in 1 hrs time.............

I'm a spoiler

So the day is set. Down to Dbl O, Danny n Roger side was still making their decision but in d end all nv go. Only left me n her going down there alone. Reach Oh Cafe ard 9+ n found out that reading room is not there anymore. Had a drink n we quickly went to Mohd Sultan for dinner, as usual, i had my bah kut teh while she ordered prawn noodles. Knowing that after clubbing got no chance to eat, so eat it before anything happens.
Reach Dbl O quite early, no table for us while jason is stil looking for it.Stand there like dumb ass until 11+ crowd started to fill the space. Everyone was dancing happily but not for zhikai. Music is great but dun knw why...no energy to dance. I was sitting, standing n smoking... until she suggest we go get a drink. Wanted to order lil bit nia, but listened to her ordered a jug of Vodka Ribena. Wanted to go back to find aaron n put the drink there, got stopped by bouncer. Super LL n no choice find a corner stand down there n drink in my own. As the music is getting better, i start to speed up my drinking by alot. Within few mins i finished the jug alone. Went up to podium n dance, at that time i also dun knw wat im dancing to also. Too gong liao, so went back to look for her n i sat down there. getting more n more dizzy i started to fall into sleeping mode. Music was still running through my ears. But had no energy to stand up n dance. Opened my eyes n i cant see clearly, after summer rain comes out, she suggested that we go back first. So we left at 1.30am. Feeling very paiseh like i spoiled her night by going off early due to a jug of vodka ribena.
Reached home n straight lie down on my bed like a zombie. All of a sudden i feel like vomitting so i rush to the washroom...ta ma de coughed alot but stil cannot vomit, machiam the thing stucked down there. Heart feel very pain so i decided to stop trying n went back to sleep. Had a very hard time for me to doze off cuz my head is stil spinning like nobody business.
Woke up at 3pm, luckily got no headache...heng ah! Had a super light lunch n went to bomb japan immediately, recieved a call frm her mum n was asked to call her back after i finish bombing. Well..as usual i dun dare to call back, knowing that i will get flooded by her words again. Hang up all my phones, but stil sent me sms...so i think she wun call back again eh??
Start up my com n wanted to update my bloggy but dun knw y suddenly it restarted. Alamak..is my com dying soon?? i hope not.. Later gotta meet up the gang at cwp, so i think now its time to get ready.

New exciting Finds

Wow wow wow...while doing window shopping on the net, looking out for the new transformers series toys. I found this.......made out from latest TF series "Galaxy Force" Doesnt look really cool. But its name is 1000% damn cool!!! Its called Exikaiser. Pple who know me well should know wat i meant, cuz itz has a "kai" in the name!!! Finally after 20 years of TF making...they finally think of a 2nd name with 'kai' in it. Isnt that great?? hahaha.. Later in the evening sure will go down to Cineleisure. To that only transformers shop to look out for it. If its price is good i will grab it n bring it to Dbl O!!! Thou Hasbro (usa) will make its own but wait until when sia?? Cant wait to get it soon. Only a few dollars expensive n its made frm Takara (jap). Better pray hard that i will see him later. Muahahahahah *happily signing out*

Lazy Friday

Got up n 4am n guess what?? Back to sleep at 8am. Another 12 hrs in dreamland, cannot blame me...the weather is far too good. Good as in chilling... Woke up n feel sad, Zhikai is a sad boy without everyday dosage of Dragonball Z and Maked Rider Ryuki. Even my fishball drama is only left with 15mins. Had a light dinner n pop back to my comp. Checked everyones blog n my friendster. Talk with xuan n sheena in msn for awhile. Then i realised its been a long time since i download my most favourite series. TRANSFORMERS!!!

Till now i downloaded 8 episodes in a shot. Well there is a smaller format as in only 30+ mb per episode. Thats alot compared to 160+mb per episode. Thou the resolution sux abit but as long there is transformers to watch, Zhikai is a happi boy!!! Wanted to install one of my fav game too. Vampire the Masquerade, but tried twice n it failed even jamming up my comp. Darn it! Guess i will do it another time. So for now while waiting for my next episode to finish download, i have to play some online game then.

So plan for later is confirmed. Head straight to Dbl o n dance my heart out. Well was hoping to drop by Oh Cafe to see some old frds then to reading room for dinner. Hope this sat will be a good one.

Ok... one last time very very impprtant de. If i dun say it out, the blogs might become some shooting AK 47. I read jason blog n made some comments on my own. Jo came in saw my entry made some comments after that too. I just wan to tell everyone my entry is not pointing to anyone. I just say wat i say n i hope it doesnt affect anyone. If it does make anyone buay song then very sorry. I juz dun wan end of the day our blog become a tunnel for us to shoot at each other. PEACE EVERYONE AND HOPE TOMMORROW IS A BETTER DAY

Sleepy thursday

Yest night after mambo couldnt sleep right? Well Thursday is payback time!! I slept at 7+am til 6+ thats 11 hrs. I woke up had my dinner n watch tv til 9. Sleep agaun until 4. thats another 7 hrs....wooo 18 hrs!! luckily got wake up if not sure feel super numb. Juz now i called her, she's going to ktv with xuan juz now. Last night say wanna go tonight do it liao. Was wanting to wait for her sms n see if got chance to tok to her again. but suddenly my brain ring ring me. I remembered something she said.

"When i m with my friends i need some privacy. I will contact u after everything"

Alright....i dropped the fucking idea n pop back to my floor n sleep. (juz in case pple dun know. i sleep on the floor) Soon after i woke up she smsed me. so im right afterall. She will contact me after everythg finished. Also dun knw y, all the privacy n thingy. really cant let me call in n ask how r u doing meh?? When we r together all her friends can bomb in or cut in anythg. Well i understand cuz to her frds r more impt than bf. mayb juz like Jo said, "frds r forever while bf r not" Well all i have to say is... u r thinking that way cuz u see no future in ur r/s bah. Thats y bf r only a part time issue to u.

One more issue i agree with jason. When a guy think that another is a threat to himself, thats becuz he CARES. He knws whats happening around n not like the gers said " its ok la, we r frds. so hes harmless" Well come on, we r not blind. Esp to that chris issue. Yah u guys think hes a frd n hes a harmless little creature, pple who really know him dun lie to urself anymore. Everyone knws wat kinda pple he is. Who on earth like another guy to stand so close to his own gf n doing all thoes hanky panky stuffs?? Thoes who dun mind cuz THEY DUN CARE! So stop calling me stupid or silly, im not silly or stupid. I'm Zhikai.. I dun care if hes my frd or not, even its my own brother i will still whack. I m not a guy who will share someone who i treasure most.

Lastly... all relationships need Honesty, so its a must. but sad to say... i only can see a part of it. Well wat to do?? We only can accept n hope that things will turn out better in the near future.