Back to Life

Finally i was able to get up on my feet n do something. I was god damn sick for the past 3 days. Cant even move but lie down there n wait til i recover. No one in the hse noticed i was almost dead. First thing i do was to on my com n msn to see if shes online. What i get frm her is "cant u even reply sms?" I really start to think she dun understand me well n she only thinks her way n using her own principle to judge things. I dun put my handphone beside me when i was sleeping. Cuz its darn irritating. I already said i cant move so meaning the fooking handphone is very far frm me. I rested for 3 days so does my handphone was charged for 3 days. All i do is sleep n wake up, after awhile went back to sleep again. I was in such a pain for days n after i get well i look for her immediately. But...her response given was so negative. Only thing i can do is blame god for giving me such a lousy n weak body. U really think i wanna that way?? i got no choice n its beyond my control. Everyone thinks im a piece of SHIT! ok...nvm..i can only accept the fact that im a SHIT. Piece of lousy cow dung. Only thing i could recall is sat at Dbl O. it was hella fun n enjoyable. Again i didnt slept on fri n i went clubbing on sat. 11.30pm to 2.30am non stop dancing... i was like.."omg my engine is buring off soon" Thou aaron didnt played my fav "Cherish" (chit chit chit) but stil it was good like the good old times. Cuz there is a song..."The Badtouch (Discovery Channel)". Hmm its lunch time for me i guess....gotta gobble down 3 days of food to make myself satisfied. hurhurhur...... N lastly i really hope someone will understand me......im sorry if i really make u guys sad or angry..but please consider about my condition, im not a normal guy...im a handicapped.

Lousy Game

Todae i sleep abit lesser n woke up earlier to play a game called D.O online. i was so looking forward to that game... only 3 letters to describe it. S.U.X~ the game grahpic is lousy n need to go around to look for quest, biang i can only give 2/10 for it. Went back to darkeden to chat and saw many pple back in action. Too bad i already hooked on GTH le. Lone ranger for me now cuz no one join me in the game. But nvm i still enjoy it alot. Didnt played much todae cuz kinda tired. Only stick onto my bed n watch tv.

Shack

WAH LAN EH.... Been playing Gate to Heaven for the past 19 hours. Guess what ?? only 4 levels nia!! PCB!! Nvm todae 23rd le... one more dae i will shift to D.O online for the open beta. Hope it will be a good game. N i want to be one of the pioneers...hurhurhur. meaning i rally have to spend alot of time on it. So if u guys see me MiA u all shld know why. Damn shaggy baby now. 25hrs no sleep le. but stil... i wan to continue my GTH...hahaha. Super hungry now argh~~~~

Sleepy week

Mayb i m thinking too much, but wat will u think when pple u like most called other pple 'dearest' or even 'muackz'? To many pple out mayb its easy to accept. But to me not, i told myself not to think so much. but....she never ever said those things to me before but able to others...I started get to more n more listless. All i do is sleep and sleep, i just hope that i could sleep til i forget eveything. Sometimes i really dun knw wat is she thinking about or even wat she wants. i've been trying very hard to be better. Had i not done enuff or changed for better?? Can someone gimme an ans? The situation is getting darker n black..it leads to no end... i dun know wat to do but to keep sleeping and hide myself in a corner in this world. I dare not to pick up any call or reply any sms. Anyway she was too busy to contact me also. I'm now holding to a cliff. Question is "to fall or to hang on?"

New skin

Ok i changed my skin n kinda like it alot, thous its smaller n plain. Changed my shoutbox to chatterbox also. No choice la.......shoutbox got background colours. So u guys can continue adding comments.

boring sat

Spent a very boring weekend. Stay at home all dae..planned to go Dbl O but in the end never, due to the tired mind of mine. And i cant find adrian n steve, think steve sleeping bah. Call his hse also no ans. In the end made zhenyi very disappointed. Know u will not be able to read my blog, but stil wan to sae "PAI SEH LA". I know u wanted to go very much. Promise next week i cfm go.Eh Ms Xuanie TAN, if can save $$ hor. We together go Dbl O la. Try not to go mambo if really no $$...Went out 2 times. 1 is to buy my Mac dinner, been craving for fast food lately. Finally got it todae.. phew. 2 is went to Causeway point to get a vcd to spend my sat night off. Bought 'The Ghost 10" (who haven watch can lend frm me eh). Quite a good show for the 1st half of the show. But then... 2nd half really cannot make it sia. Heng the cd S$12.90 nia. Itz quite late now n i dun knw wat to do...sianzzz mayb try to sleep early den tmr afternoon can go causeway point walk walk. Cuz juz now go itz ard 9.45p.m le.....3/4 CWP closed down le..Really din have much to update cuz recently stay at home machiam stay in jail. Seriously wan to heal my skin fast so i can go out again.

finally

ok after a week of illness n lying on bed, i m finally back to update my blog. pple start to complain i nv update. haha. but i m really sick for the whole week le. Damn sian. all dae at home sleep n sleep, nothing i can do...no energy at all. Everythg was normal for the past one week. Only on Sun steve visited me. Rare visitor eh.....that dae he was a messenger for her. He brought me a bag containing 2 envelopes. Man... after seeing everythg, i was soooo touched n surprised. Thou the present is simple but i can see the effort made. A million thanks, i will tresaure the present alot. Ok ...time for medicine again...Sianzzzzz

Paiseh la

Paiseh paiseh to my only reader+supporter M.s Xuanie TAN!!! These few daes stayed at home so nothing to update lo. unless u wan to know how many times i go toilet in a dae. Have been resting at home for the past 3 daes. I also dun know why, mayb becuz sat go Dbl O too shack le. Night before nv sleep den go chiong, feeling damn jialat. Frm 11+ dance non-stop until 2.45am. Long time no like that le, all thanks to our fav Dj Aaron! He played my fav Cherish (cherish~~ chit chit chit~~) Den after that my Fav bah kut teh time again. Didnt eat much mayb due to super tired mode, only think of straight go home n shut down. So i slept for daes....everydae slept for more dan 10+ hours. Wakie le watch tv eat my only meal den went back to sleep again. Damn no life, i was hoping my skin prob will faster recover so that i can see the light again. =X Todae was quite a cheerful dae. Dun knw y but the feeling is good. All becuz of my younger bro. All along these years we seldom communicate much. But.....todae i asked him wat he want for lunch n i went down to get the food. We had lunch together n we chatted alot. Been feeling weird cuz of our super far distance. Well....bro is once in a lifetime also so i think its better to get along better den stay at that distance. Well todae wed lo.... same qn pop up again... "Shld i go or shld i not" Thinking abt go already see her there i also abit dun know wat to do.. Tmr she is gng to perth for a week holidae le... this one week will it be hard to go through??? Stil had alot of qn in my mind. Juz hope everythg will go well soon~

Dream..

I found myself in the darkness. I have no idea where i am, surrounding is all dark. Cant see anything, even myself. I am scared n lost so i decide to explore the place hoping that i find an exit. I walked n walked..the place seems very big like there is no end. After a few hours of walking i got very tired n decided to sit down and rest. Suddenly i saw a small dot of light. The dot start to expand bigger and starts to take over the darkness. I found myself on an island, like an island of paradise, the scenery n the tranquility makes me feel good. So i enjoy the cool breeze around me. Suddenly.....i feel raindrops falling onto me. I looked up n i saw dark clouds coming in, lightning n thunder arrived soon after. I could feel the cold wind brushed through me n pierce through my body n soul. I stand up n wanted to run but i cant, i feel weak n i m down on my knees. At that moment i feel something under me. Itz like a blackhole, it pulled me down and i falled into the bottomless pit of darkness. Yesterday its like another dream ...


Ok!! pple muz be wondering "WHAT THE FUK R U TOKING ABOUT?". Nevermind about that ok.. i made that paragraph myself, thursday had been a boring day for me. i wake up in the afternoon, had my lunch n went back to sleep. until 12.40am den i woke up again. Im trying to escape, escape from the memories of yesterday.
Wed afternoon i was in Darkeden as normal. Having some fun with my friends in the game. Dun knw y...i quarrel with someone inside and its the first time i done that. Guess that guy really pissed me off. Suddenly my hp 'ring' 'ring', i was wondering who will sms me cuz my hp is hardly being used. I read the sms n was quite surprised. She smsed me n say kinda missed me, i jumped n almost hitted the ceiling (abit kua zhang rite???). After exchanged few smses, she said she had the urge to see me. At that point of time i was so happy i think the situation getting better. Evening time she came over my place, we watched tv together n we chatted alot til very late. That time i haven been sleeping for 24 hours, but WHO CARES...... i m so happy n glad things r getting fine. Around 3 plus we both fall asleep, i was so tired that i didnt even know she left in the morning. Cuz she had to go wild wild wet todae. So afternoon i wakie n went for lunch, n i smsed her asking if things really turned back to last time. She said dun knw......i was feeling lost again so i force myself to sleep hoping that i can forget it. Thou i dun wan to forget but things really happen to fast n its like a dream. Thats what happen for the past 2 daes.......

Jus another day

Finally, i woke up from the darkness again. The darkness which contain my guilt n regrets. All along i been wanting to change, change for the better, change for good. I'm hoping that the flame of love would rekindle n light my darkest hours once more. But the flame seems to be getting weaker every sec. Will i be in my darkness forever?? I dont have an answer......Now i m facing a very big problem, to fulfill her requests. Originally its a love without any questions, now it had became a deal. A deal which is the only light to my path. I would really hope that we will have the love we used to shared in the past. I'm sorry that i hurted u deeply, made u cried for me so many times. Everyday, every seconds i'm holding onto a faith. Hoping that u will return to me n lead back the old life we used to have. I know it's impossible, but i still wana hang on til the very last moment. Cuz i still believe that our love is stil there. I had been holding onto my phone every sec i could ever remembered, hoping that u will contact me once more. I know that u doesnt wan to contact me maybe due to some reasons. Mayb u trying to be stronger, trying to get used to the life of singlehood. By not contacting me u may find it easier to break free.
There is many wrongs n sins i had done. I doesnt mean to do it, and i m truly repetant. I had asked for a chance, thou the response is not that good, i'm willing to accept.
Everyday my mind is a doing a flashback. Flashback of the good old times together n not forgetting the bad times we had. This Time it been a great lesson to me. I truly learned that wat is a love that i cant let go. The love that is really important n i wun wan to find another. I lost interest n concentration in many things. To others, i m a living dead now.All i do everyday is recall the past n hoping that miracle would happen one dae. One miracle that i have been praying very hard......... I truly love u... pls give me another chance. A chance for me to make up everything....