What to blog??? i got nothing much to blog. I'm now alone.... didnt go out much, 90% of the time im at home for the past 10+ days. Feeling been going downwards sec by sec. Like i alwiz said....i got no one to talk to. Past few days had been clearing the rest of the unwanted stuff. Mainly her clothes n things that she used. Been wanting to return her the clothings but something juz struck my mind. I do not want to get scolded again. Don't know what to do with it too... juz leave it in the cupboard til i know wat to do with it. 1 thing i'm sure is she doesnt want it back anymore. Well..... put it in a another way, she can get wateva she wants from her guy. What is some old clothings to her??? I feel like im part of the clothings too, unwanted n ditched.

Its been so long since the dreadful day passed...... but i still cant get over it. I m alwiz like dat. Whenever i wanted to be in a relationship, i will be serious about it. In the end?? Nothing but disappointment. All the promises seems so fake... thinking about it, all the promises i was to made to her and at last she ask me "why r u so serious about me?" Why? Isn't it ridiculous? So all the while i have been throu a non serious relationship with a pacts of lies? All the questions she asked me n all the promises i have made to her. I haven forget abit......but in the end all i took back was a question like that. The most unreasonable question i had ever heard since iwas born. All along she doesnt wan me to be serious with her. Mayb i m just a stepping stone, a person to let her get over her past relationship. But what i can say is she really made full use of me. Never ever seen a person who can use a spare tyre for one year. Calculating the days when my heart started to break. Its been half a year i guessed. Some ask me why havent i get over it? Cuz i really fallen too deep dumbass! One who made me wanted to settled down with.

I started to think that being a animal is really better than a human. Humans think n expected too much of other. Well of cuz im like dat too. Just got a new companion this monday. A free kitten. Thou the kitten is free but i spent a bomb on buying things for him. Thinking for days n i finally decided to call my cat "DoG" Very active kitten n never fail to make me happy. But its kinda lazy....hmm wat the hell i like it anyway, a lazy master sure to have a lazy pet. He really got me sticking at home. Seldom wanted to go out unless its on wed n sat. But after clubbing i will go home n not waste anymore time. Everytime i reached home n saw him sleeping on my bed.... it feels great. I hope the passion i have for the kitten is long... i m afraid that after sometimes i will lose the heat n start to neglect it. At least now there is a pet to keep me company....

Wasted alot of money on bills computers n stuffs for my cat. I m really broke..... Xmas was a plain one. Stil went to double o with adrian n he treated me supper n pay most of the cab fare. Not forgetting the last 2 movies we watched.Really glad theres someone there for me when i m broke. Hope my next isurance $$ will come soon, then again i can start shopping like hell. eed to stay lower profile for the next week. NYE mambo @ expo... i was thinking of not going..wanted to save money. Another reason is wats the point of going there n enjoy alone?? Pple will be having their own fun n i dun think they will notice me. Anyway no one even bother to contact me during Xmas....So i think im out for next week event.NyE mambo not going n of cuz wed mambo is a no for me. Just like i mention above...i need to save money!!! Really can start to quit mambo....had enuff fun n its time i stay at home n rot. Besides i m alwiz alone.... going mambo alone starts to makes me feel miserable.

Well enuff said n i think i gotta go play my World of Warcraft.....but dun be mistaken....i said i m broke doesnt mean i m paying for the game. I m playing on free server!!! Oh....nearly forget about 1 thing. Thx to zhenyi for ur "ging gou biao"sms

Almost a week never update my blog le. Dun seems to be a normal me. Suddenly become so outa words. I also don't know why. Been searching for answers these few days. Other than that is sleep n play online games. Alot of things happened after that dreadful incident happened. First i lost something call Love. Then i lost friends, thats not all......i start to lost confidence n finally i lost myself. Where is the old n usual me??? My parents said that i changed....... After pondering for days then i realised that i wasn't the old me anymore. One who wasnt that happy now. One who have even bad temper than the past. One who dun care about living on anymore.

Sat is zoukout. Based on past experience mambo sux. So we decided to drink outside then go in n dance. Around 12+ david n went in first while roger n yii stil waiting for a friend. Queue made me pissed off as i was running outta oxygen soon. I hate to be in a crowd.... i will start to feel breathless n wanting to fainting. Waited for so long finally got in around 1. Mambo was good n quite surprised that sonny spinned his whole set of mambo jumbo at zoukout. After that the Rn Hip Hop was good too. Thou i said the music is good but what i m feeling inside is not the way. just before mambo ended...i lost my soul. I got no mood to dance n i just sat down n look at the stage. ZoukOut....reminded me of last yr ZoukOut when she went with me n we had some good times together...... memories just flashed back without my permission. I wanted to stop thinking but i couldn't.....i felt miserable n hoping to drown myself at sentosa.....

Struggling for some time n i guess some pple noticed my soul was gone too. I pulled it back n forced myself to dance no matter whateva shyt the Dj is spinning. Who knows... i managed to shake off everything n begin to enjoy myself.... But good thing doesnt last long....The rain came around 4+.....i walked off alone...at that point of time.....is god helping me or making fun of me????? Whenever i m sad i would like to stand in the rain.... let the rain wash away my sorrows. Everyone rushed off to find a shelter but i took a slow walk instead. Not hurrying to find a place to hide. A few sec run everyone make it to the shelter but i took at least 1 min to reach there. I was alone with alot of strangers around me...... I felt helpless... n lonely...

Later i went to other places to find roger n manage to find them. One by one met up with us later. We sat down n waited for the rain to stop....Meantime everyone is leaving sentosa.... I guess the rain really spoiled everyone's mood..... We went off ard 5 n decided to go for breakfast....... Went to the usual kopitiam near parklane.... The whole night until morning...every place i went to brought back some memories..... Should i say its happy or sad memories... I dont know..... I juz need to be alone picking up the pieces of my broken heart.

ok forget about the unhappy things. Now i m gonna introduced a new gae which i hooked on to. Its call GoPets. Kinda old game but trust me its addictive to me. U get to adpot a ca or a dog. Choose any colour u like for it n also there r patche n patterns for them too. Its virtual n u had to find ways to earn $$ to buy food n clothings for them. Dress up anywa u like it but $$ is really hard to earn. Been playing for 2 days n i only earn 1 gold shell.

Dun be scare that ur pet will go hungry if u r offline. One thing good about this game is ur pet will go wandering around. Whether if u r online or offline. When ur pets get bored they will wander off. To where??? To other people's desktop. And of cuz u can call them back anytime u wanna. Example.... when i juz started the game n i was really low on cash, i juz send my pet to my frds n they will feed them for me. Everytime ur pet goes out they will have a chance to find treasures..... i have found quite a few piece of good clothings thou.

For thoes who wanted to have a pet but u dun have the commitment to adpot one, now the chance for u to do it. The $$ part is really hard to earn it but well..... u need to have patience u know. Thou its a virtual pet but its stil a pet.

Int parties u can visit the web at www.gopetslive.com for more info. If u r interested to join the fun u can add me. My id: Lamesome..... i will be gladly to guide u through the basic of the games.

Lessons

I learnt a precious lesson from someone today. "How to treat frds fairly" I think i m juz naive all along. To let myself think that the world has hope. But the higher u have in ur hopes the harder u fell.

I know that u r in the middle n was in a difficult position so i dun try to makes things hard. Yes i did i said that i was going to take a nap but i didnt say i will msg anyone when i wake up. Cuz someone already say that she will msg me when done. Ok...i gues they will never be "done" in one or another way. In the natural order of cuz it better for 2 girls to go out together when its come to frienship. If u r stuck in the middle then have tots then its ok that i had misunderstood. But... i rememeber that someone was saying"since i was meeting her u should know that i will not be in the group". Yea of cuz the hell i know this theory. But how do i know that u set piority in another different way. Wanted me to voice out anything i feel unhappy with. But if the other party didnt do so. How is the matter gonna to be settled. I somehow think u realised it, but when it comes to rejecting pple u also dun dare to do so. Thats y it was dragged n end up with quarrels. I wa not trying to say that it was 100% ur fault. I m a human i will not be 100% perfect too. Quarrel is like clapping hands. U need both parties to do it. Many pple have their own theories in life. Mayb to u its ok or should i say its right for u to juz keep quiet when u met something u dun know what to do or u dun intend to do. But the way u put ur words is like since u already met her then i should know that u will not be meeting me anymore.

I finally get it what zhenyi is trying to tell me. Piority....... Frm today onwards i really had to learn how to set piorities the way u do it. Even to the very last minute of an appointment. If a higher piority person juz appear, the lower ones will have to step aside. N most impt is they dun really have the rights to know anything. Juz keep quiet or juz act blur over it. If only im a computer then i will know everything in the world n dun need to assume. But sorry i m a human too.

Last but not least..... If there is no quarrels in a friendship then i think that friendship is a fake. No relationships r perfect without any scratch or marks. Y do people need to quarrel??? Not to make the other side unhappy or angry. The fact is quarrels makes every relationship stronger n better. Becuz thru quarrels u get to know each other more. U will know what the other parties think individually. And by realising the prob, the same issues will be better to handle if it really happens again. Now that i know how someone feels about coming to handling piority. If next time this time happen n if anyone more impt asked u out i will understand n not get angry. But the least inform me earlier. I will do my part n as for u ...... u have ur own rights. U wanna do it or not its up to u. The brain is ur and decisions r up to u to make.

Above mention r purely based on my theories. If anyone disagree with that pls jolly well read n forget. Like i said...im a human too my theories might not be correct too.

Well Well... after reading something on the web then i realised something.

1. "But from wad i heard, u ARE taking us as fools lor."

If i been treating u guys like fool i will not let u guys take me for granted. If i treat u like a bloody ass fool will i be so nerdy waiting at home when u DON'T even bother to gimme a msg telling me that u r not going. Muz wait until i keep msging u then u juz reply me with a short n sharp msg like "not going liao la." U know i was waiting for ur reply at it was almost 10p.m not even a buzzz from u.

2. "Dun assume things when u dun even know wad is happening "

Dun know what is happening???? Previous u asked me wanted to go double o or not??? I say OK n next day u gto reply me. First i tot u say it out for Fun n Laughter Peace n Joy. Who knows u really got msg me. Alrite.....Telling me u got appointment. Will finish ard what bloody time. Ok.....i say i go down meet u first den meet the rest later lo. U say u wanna go shopping. OK! i let u shop so i say i go down abit later. Awhile later u tell me that someone is not working so u not going anymore. So i say if u wanna meet i can rush down now. U say u r tired. Nevermind then....i asked whether u wanna go back n rest first. U say Ok. Again awhile later. Ur msg comes again saying that U r meeting someone to go shopping, will call me again when done. BUT DID U SAY U R STILL THINKING WHETHER WANNA GO DBL O OR NOT? NO U DIDNT. I didnt say i dun let u 2 meet up rite?? So i was asking if we r meeting for dinner after that??What is ur reply????? Nothing.......I asked my mum not to buy my share cuz i scare wait u say u haven eat so we can eat after meeting up. I not trying to say i m damn bloody fooking idioitic fanatic GREAT or NOBLE. At least i planned... You can say the way im acting to this is FOOLISH n STUPID. If i really treat u like a FOOL would i even bother to care about whether u had ur dinner or not. On the other hand???? Did u even think for me????? I will not ans cuz i m not ASSUMING. U nv reply until i really msged u.. alrite that ok....i asked u y u nv tell me earlier that not going down anymore.U say U CANT DECIDE YET..... So what is the "not going liao la" appearing in my msg??? So very logically u r with her u cant decide whether to meet me or not??? OK this part i m "assuming" Later in the night u ended showing up at Dbl O. So again what is the "not going liao la" going on??? All ur replies r all short n less than 5 words so wat do u expect me to know when u DUN EVEN BOTHER to explain. Alright...mayb i m juz a piece of smelly cow dung so u dun really need to explain things to me. Since u dun wanna explain things to me then dun bother whether i assume or not. Will i assume if u had explained????? And which human dun assume????? If humans dun assume then there wun be this word in the dictionary.

3. "goodness sake, dun go round telling ppl how i took u for granted... "

Since u say you took me for granted then y cant i even tell my good frds about what u did to me???? Why is that i cant tell my things to my frds????? This incident makes me sad so why cant i tell my frds why m i feeling sad??? And the frds i m referring to is ONLY Roger n Zhenyi. And i didnt tell anyone else anymore. Since its only to both of them i need not run around n tell then i juz stand infront of them n tell them. If u really knows who i had complained to about how u taken me for granted??? Then tell me!!!!!! Tell me who had i gone around telling things about u??? Cuz i only can remember telling to both of them only. Since u did it y are u bothered that i tell anyone about u??? Let me assume again.... is it that i would spoil ur images infront of them???? The topic below is even more exciting!!!!

4."HYPOCRITES "

If u wanna say i m one then i admit it! Cuz i know u r no better too. U wanna Play War using words then lets thrash things out once n for all then. I really hope i didnt missed out anything. Tell me who is not a hypo in this world. i would "assume" that everyone was.

Things about Mahjong.In front of me u tell me that u dun like the way some pple play when comes to mahjong. Ok lo i hear then i forget. Saying that u would not wanna play with them anymore? In the end??? playing every week without fail. Ok that ur own business. When infront of them leh??? Act like very good frds. Giving each other close names. Like nothing happen. So here's the question...... R u also acting like a hypo too?????? I say bad things about them...ok i admitted that i m part of it too. But PLeaSe!!!!! Dun act like i m only the one doing all the bad things n push all the blames to me. I didnt not start all the bad talking........U r involve too....... n when we quarrel leh??? U pointed the fingers to me saying that i was the Big bad wolfy. What a hopper u r!!!! Anything happen then hop to the other side saying me. If not u will juz hop around n saying things bad about pple too. Telling me u dun like the way some pple behave or even talk???? Did i go around telling pple that u go around saying pple??? i assume i didnt.... Trying to to be nice n noble but let me tell u that fact is u r not. Cuz wat i do u did it 10x more dan me.

Please note: Events n People mention above r all fictional n cuz by Assuming. If there is any similiar cases, its all purely coincidence! If u think im toking about U...Yes U...then too bad cuz i already said it all due to assuming n coincidence or somehow some cases r similiar.

Im back

Finally i m back after 2 months of non blogging. Got myself a new blogskin cuz i felt that i changes in these 2 months too. Didnt really add much things in the sections cuz its purely for me to record down my remainding days n feelings. Maybe due to last time blogging, im used to making this page as my diary. Well... not much pple will passby here or even make the efforts to read what i have to yap. So no more shoutbox n for my links.....Sad to say.....I got no friends so nothing to fill in so might as well delete it.

These 2 months i have been locking myself up. Thou i alwiz go out to meet up with pple but itz my heart that is locked up. For thoes who care for me, im sorry. I failed u guys..... the scars on my heart is stil there and i dun intend to cure it. My heart is shattered only way i can put the pieces back is frozen it. Dun dare to be loved so dun say about loving again.

Day by day...every sec to me is still painful to me. Thou my tears doesnt flow that frequent anymore but i think it had run dryed. Im now a living dead. A walking zombie. Actve on the outside but my heart n my mind is dead. I quitted my job cuz i find no meanings in life anymore. What i want to do now is to spend my remainding days. Until the day the get to leave this sorrow land.

I'm sad but i got no one to talk to. Im so lonely but there is no one to see to. I tried my very best to go out. Even to the extend of calling some ppl everyday. Sorry if im a bother or somehow spoiled ur lovely dates. After being "AeRo"so many times i decided....this time i really need to hide myself at home not to bother anyone anymore. I know im not rich i dun have a car of my own and im a bored guys. Thats y my popularity is that worse, what can i say?? I only can accept my fate. These 2 weeks i only go out on wed or sat. Rest of my days??? Stay at home n watch my miserable 14" tv cuz my 29" spoiled! The things in my room are back in order juz like 6 months ago. Thou i have arrange the things in my room many times, in the end it will stil end up like the same in 6 months ago. Mayb i stil wanna keep some memories of the past bah.

I have nothing but hatred added with alot of sadness and despair. Most impt is regrets. I now have alot of regrets. Regrets from the past relationship. It let me back free n also made me go back to frozen mode. This time is more than double the damage n pain.

Today i went back to see my doc. He says that my psychological prob stil doent improve. Of cuz!!! i juz pay money and throw the medicine away cuz i doesnt even wanna get cured. Waste of money but my parents insisted i go back again n again. Wanted to watch chicken little yest but danny didnt called so i dun dare to call back too. Doesnt wanna impose too much trouble on him besides he got a gf who hates me. Dun put him in difficult position lo. Didnt talk to him much when i saw him on wed. But i can see that after i didnt bother him for a week, he looked happier. Maybe he started to hate me too. Mayb not??? i Dun know..... Its stil better for him to go along with the other group cuz they shared more common interest.

I m quite lost too...i dun know how much i had type. Think there isnt much for me to update cuz i was living in exile for the past 2 months. If there is anything i missed out n happen to remember, i will update it on my next entry. If not i will stil try to update everyday. Thoes who wanna read my blog u r most welcome.