Story that doesnt end

Ok... Since all my dear friends like to read long bloggy, i decide to whack everything in. My com restarted before i even type out 1/3 of my entry for today. That doesnt mean that i will skip thoes parts. I will re type no matter how many times my com going to restart. To all the ppl who is reading this entry now. Its stil not too late for u to turn back. Close the window or be sorry. Alrite here i go...

After dissolving all the hatred i have in the relationship, i felt more relax n light weigh. Thou its too late but at least i made it. I think its better for me to suffer alone than make the both of us so unhappy. One thing i can confirm is she is immume to my apologies but stil i wanna say SorrY for the unhappy times i created for her.

Time for today story. Finish my work ard 6 n gave xuanie a call n was arranged to meet up at orchard mrt. But later she called n cancelled it cuz she was going to have a poly gathering. Pff...fine...outta no choice i called shirely to see if shes stil alive. Haha....juz happen that she is going down to Dbl o, so i decided to go n meet her. Quickly shower n change like in the NS times. Rush down there on time (cuz i take cab la) She signed me in cuz she knows someone at Dbl O. Went in around 10 n immdiately ordered drinks. This has been my routine for the past 2 weeks. Shirley the siao char bor ordered 5 jugs of housepour. only 4 ppl orde so much liao. Didnt care much n i drank like nobody business. I left half an hour later n there is 1 n half juggies down my throat. I was determined to go zouk cuz i know she will be there. I wanted to go there n see her n i was so eager. Took a cab n got into zouk 5 mins before 11pm. Like i said for my routine.....once i got there i didnt even say hi to my frds n i went to get myself a drink. Breezer...as usual my fav at zouk. Pop it down before my 3rd song ended. N was dancing like shit..... i missed cue most of my move... Omg...wat is kai doing at that time man.... I happen to take many sips of drink frm many ppl around me. Sound like a leecher??? Everyone was surprised y i was drinking so much recently. I also dun like to drink so much de. I got no choice, this is the only way of making myself numb.... every sec my mind is her.... the more i missed her the more im drinking. So pple who was close to me r able to judge it. Music kinda ok but the crowd sux big time. Alot of ang mohs coming up n making us miserable. Ken was the most poor thing last night. Within 2 hours n hes on his way home.... At one point of time my asthma suddenly attacked n i was like no energy to move anymore. Was sitting down there pple ard was thinking that im seh...DuH~~~ When i got up on my feet again my nemesis came... The song "together forever" At that time tears r queueing up near my eyes waiting to rush out. I was controlling very hard n ziwei asked me to buck up. Thanks for the encouragement dude. U really helped me at that time. Was dancing until one time xuan juz disappeared. Manage to find her n found out that shes having gastric n was very tired. So ziwei n i went off to find her. Dun knw y but recently been really close to xuan. Machiam treating her as my younger sis, mayb i dun have one that y im reacting like that. One reason is shes danny gf too. As a frd looking after her n see her go home safe is a way not to let my good friend worry too. She went off very early wit allen n we went back to zouk. Got ourself a drink before we go back dancing but found out that i got no mood to dance anymore. Been thinking alot n cant concentrate myself. I was dancing n sitting all the way until mambo ended. Went to shell in a car n we were squeezing like hell. LoL! Was joking alot n really make me laugh alot ever since that incident happened to me. Then jo jason and the lead actress came over. Was looking at her most of the time but whenever she look over i will try to hide, i know i had let her down so i dun dare to face her. Was playing 'murderer' game...... LoL damn fun as the victim is to silly to figure out who has his keys. Next is cat's handphone....haha.... went off ard 5 n we took a ride to bukit panjang. Cat took a cab back frm there n after 15 mins then im able to get the next cabby. Was stil in happy mood cuz we r stil joking alot in the car. One sad thing during that journey is we passed by holland V. Then radio was playing eternal love n happen that we pass by the road i used to walk with her frm holland V to clementi. 2 solid hours of walking back her home is really a sweet memory to me. I swear i nv ever forget that. Reached home around 6 n had a long shower cuz i was stil thinkig about her.... asked my mum to get me breakfast n it was my fav nasi lemak. Eat already feeling abit slepy but i still wanna blog. I know i got alot of thing to write n i dun wan to do it after sleep.

Kai is stupid, kai is silly, kai is hopeless n kai is stubborn about this relationship. I had made a very important decision. I decided to wait for her until the day i know its impossbile. Frankly speaking i stil loved her alot n everyday the feeling is getting more n more cuz all along i been missing her alot. No matter wat time where i was or wat i do....i juz cant get her outta my head. She is the one who taught me alot n i admit it, I was taught how to be a better boyfriend n most important is how to be a better person in life. I been changing alot n til now i nv stop trying. I wanna prove to her that i really can do it n i hope she will come back to me one day even to the extend of kneeing down infront of her. I put down alot of my pride n why is that so? Its all becuz of her cuz i wanted to be with her for the rest of my life thats y i dun mind doing everything for her. I know we had alot of arguements n quarrels. But i really hope end of day we stil can be together as 1. I know now there is alot of guy is r better than me around her. But i dun care who is really good or met her criteria. All i was hoping was her love for me is stil there too. Like someone told me before..."if u really love a person alot, u would forgive her no matter wat she had did to u. All the unahppy memories will be replaced by the sweet memories" I hope she will think that way too n give me one more chance. Cuz i really agree to that sentence. No matter how unhappy moments there are, juz think of the happy memories n u will able to make urself feel better. Sent her a msg in friendster n til now stil no reply. Does she really hate me?? Does she really dun love me anymore?? Does she really wanna forget me n dun want to be with me anymore?? Does she really wanna go for another guy who is alot better than me? These qustions has been on my mind throughout the whole mambo. Nothing much i can do n i dun dare to do anything anymore. What i felt like telling her is that If u really still love me n wanted to be with me again pls let me prove to u that i really can make it. Dun let some quarrels end our love vows just like that. I know i made alot of promises n i dun wan to juz let it go without making it come true. One of the things is about buying her a very nice n expensive jeans. I promised to get her one when she is able to wear her jeans again. N i can see that she made it. I will make the promise come true but she muz gimme a chance to fulfil it. There is alot of things i wanna say or do but im scared that i might not have the chance to do it. Alot of things i was unable to recall n jot it down here. I know im kinda useless. Gimme some time. Whenever i tot of something i will quickly blog it down.

Last but not least i wanna say "I love you"