Man with SINS

I m very feeling terrible now. I m feeling very guilty and i m been blaming myself every sec i could spare. wish i could die or at least someone punish me. I made a terrbile sin in my life n i couldnt forgive myself forever for what i had done to a ger that once loved most. A sweet, cute n innocent girl in the past changed to now what she is.....is all my fault!!!
Talk to her on MsN for an hour plus. I was really surprised that she will talk to me. Found out that she really changed, she start to have flings and see relationship as hopeless. She dun trust herself n relationship at all. She doesnt wan to commit n wan to have fun with guys around her. She would rather play around with guys than having a decent boyfriend. After hearing all these i was crying....once again i cried n i felt very guilty. I would never imagined that she has become like that. The girl i once knew had turned into a totally different person. One who treasure relationship alot n now playing around with guys. My heart break n was bleeding non-stop. I cant stop blaming myself. If it were for me i dun think she will changed. I met her n have a relationship with her, I broke her heart n end up now she is like that.
How i wished we never knew. How i wish we nv fell in love n how i wish i never broke her heart. If all doesnt happen in the past. Maybe now she will be having a decent relationship with another guy. Why does things had to be in this way. Hurting her own body is not loving herself. How i wished she could love herself again. Even end of the day her guy is not me. I would rather see her having a normal relationship than having many flings.
She asked me not to wait anymore if i continue waiting she will do more extreme stuff. Even its infront of me, she will do it infront of me to make me give her up. All i can say is she dun really know how i feel for her. My heart is still having the love for her thou my brain is numb. I already dun mind who is she with or how many guys she is having. All i know is i wan to wait for her. I told myself that even i had to fall again, i will still stand up n continue with my stubborn decision. I guess no one is able to stop me, my mind is clear n set. How long i wil have to wait? Will the day really come?? Will miracle really appear?? I do not know, all i can do is wait n wait. No matter wat she do or wat nasty things happen infront of me, i will stil love her with all my true feelings. Thou all the nasty things she said to me, no matter how much im hurt no matter how many tears i shed. I will stil wait for her. I mean it n i will.........
*going to interview with tears still in my eyes*