Wats happening?

I definitely need to blog. My mind is in a farking mess still, cant sleep and unable set myself to play game. I really dont knw wats happening. All i know is i need to trash out every of my thoughts.

Would it be better if i didnt went dbl o last sat? Would it be better if i control my temper? Or would it be better if i never step out of the hse?

Seeing her at zouk was like a 0.001% chance and sure is a big surprise for me. Asking her out was wat i alwiz wanted. Its been 2 yrs since i saw her and sat is the day. Waited anxiously at orchard mrt, took a bus down n had a drink at the coffeeshop nearby. Went in to dbl o, tot its kinda bored but shes there. We had losta drinks n soon she mixed well with adrian n rest. Started playing 5 10 with them, well i m glad least shes not bored. towards the end i started to fade n in the end i vanished. Im like a duper extra n was left alone down there. Ok thats nothing to me, i dont mind at all.

After Dbl O, everyone left. Yes everyone...including adrian n wife. Shes already so drunk n my job is to send her home. Then this one frd of mine or shld i say i dont even know him well, he said somethg i couldnt believe. "Lets go MoS" i was like wtF? Ok i knw hes drunk too but who knws....when u put 2 drunk pple together is as good as chaos. First she said she wanted to get on his bike n go MoS. Okay........... then i might as well go home alone. Suddenly she flagged a cab n drag us all on. We reach clarke quay in juz like 5 mins? 2 of them r walking n fooling around. shouting, screaming, kneel on the floor and stuffs. Im not saying im paiseh by wat they do. I think that they r not in any situation to go anywhere anymore. Ok then we discussed, we shld juz go somewhere nearby eat n juz go home. Juz before boatquay...the big fuking bridge there. How the hell do u find a supermarket trolley there in the middle of night. She got on the trolley n he pushed her around to the bridge. I cant take it anymore, i already asked him to control himself and so he promised me. But wat happened after 5 mins? I really dont want anythg to happen to them. Out of no choice i called jason. i seek help n YES im helpless, i dont know wat to do really. Hes been tretaing our words like rubbish or bullshyt? Smile at me like nothing happened? Ok fuk it! i blew my top. I told i gave up. He wanna fool around? Fine im going home. I shouted very loudly, everyone around the area looked over even the policeman. At that point of time i really dont care anymore.

I went over to the other side wanting to get a drink before i go off. Wat happened? he left her alone letting her cross the fuking road n he walked away. I saw that while i was on the phone with jason. Okay now hes finally gone n i can send her home. But NO! she kept walking to the bridge n finally sat down n puke. N still asking me wheres that guy keeping wanting him to come back n find us. At that moment......... i.... really cant do anythg and keep calling him to come back. I really felt like jumping off the bridge. Then here comes adrian calling asking me juz to send her back. Wanted to go 7 11 n buy some tissues n drink but she wont move. Out of no choice i ran to 7 11 qickly grab the things n run back. Luckily she still there safe n sound. I was wondering if she didnt puke, things wont stop. I sat with her at the bridge till morning n around 6 i sent her home. By then she ok already. Everythg ended n i rched home at 7. Ate some bread n drop dead. I m awfully tired n hungry. slept only 3 hrs the day before n didnt had dinner.

Wat went wrong? I knw i shldnt juz shouted n left like that. But if i dont get angry, he might think im not serious about wat i said. Is it my fault that i spoiled their fun? Maybe i shld juz leave quietly when im still outside dbl O. I m not angry with them, its me... keep asking myself y muz i screwed everythg. Maybe i shldnt handle thing that way, then thgs might turn out better. Everythg might seems nothing to them but i meant well. Maybe i m a joke that i get angry for nothing. Maybe i m wrong......

Spent a bomb that night and i dont have the $$ to pre order Burning crusade anymore. Its coming out on the 16th n i muz go to funan to get the pre order by weekend. This coming wed is sq last mambo i knw i will spend $$ too. Im left with so little time to save $$. I dont want to miss the game...really..... i was waiting for the game since dont knw when. Not saying i felt pain spending $$ on sat night, in fact i dont mind spending it at all. If its for her, i wun mind anythg.

Sigh.......guess i gotta wrk harder this week, finish more projects n earn more $$ in order to survive wed n get my game.