imkai.blogspot.com

Haiz...time to blog again. Feeling very weird n bothered for da whole night. This strange feeling....wasn't able to describe it. Tonight mambo was a boring one. Not with the crowd or muzik. Just me feeling weird, tired n bored. Kinda feel guilty, mayb im too bored thats y pple around me r bored too. If thats the truth, im really sorry. Only dance when i heard my favourite muzik or the tempo is fast, other than that......standing around rotting. After mambo things get better abit. First came a joke.....There is instant noodles but there is no chopsticks. So everyone ended up using spoon to eat. The tide finally turned, the one who is anti social is da big winner. Everyone was chatting happily but i'm da only one sitting down there listening, without giving any comments. Maybe the topic doesnt interest me or mayb things are stil bothering me. My mind is still in a fooking mess now.

When i reached back home, i was asking myself.......y did i go mambo???? One definite answer is to meet up with frds, another....wanted to see her. Ok....to thoes who r reading, u muz be asking who is that 'her'. Well... i'm not going to say anything not to say reveal the identity of 'her'. If you r smart, u will know who i m toking about. If not.....too bad then. What is happening to me tonight... Its kinda sad... kept thinking about the past. I thought that i had already put down the past n decided to start new. Yes i did, i swear i did. But dun know why i just start to think about it. Maybe im forcing myself not to think about it thats why it back fired.... If something are meant to pop up, no matter how u hide it, it will still pop up.

Another reason why i think about the past. Got to do with the new 'her'. It's not that they look alike or they have the same character. One is north another is south. Just that when i started to like this someone, i became so no confident of myself. Major issue is about my past experience. I dun dare to move forward n start another new relationship anymore. I got lost in myself before, and i hardly found myself back. I dont wan history to repeat itself. Another issue is she's too good for me. To me, she is near perfect. And for myself, im near useless. How can a person who is almost perfect choose a junk to be her bf? Thats totally impossible and i know the day will not come. Put it in another way, i'm juz too lousy for her. I cant give anyone sense of security. I dont work n i laze around all da time. At the age of 23 i still haven done anything yet. Doesnt have have a stable carreer, no money in my pocket, not mature enough is another point. Who on earth who choose this kinda guy. I must admit im a total failure. Thats why my last relationship failed. I'm about to resign to fate. I can forget about having another relationship. Be a lonesome jerk forever is wat i'm gonna be in the future. So about this ger i like....forget it bah. I can only dream n keep on dreaming. I am trying my best to forget about her and hopefully it will be erase away soon. So meantime i will still be the king of wishful thinking n keep on being silly. Hoping that she will be at mambo every wed. Not going to tell her about it cuz im afraid that i might scare her away. At least i still get to see her n talk to her now. Thats already a bonus for me. I know its stupid but wat to do??? I already fallen for it. It will take me some time to stop dreaming. But i really hope i can keep on dreaming. LoL

Been listening this song these few days. At first i think that this song is stupid but recently it just caught my attention. Most probably it suited my mood now. Its called 'lao shu ai da mi' Dun call me idiot or anything ok. This song does have it meaning too.

'Bu guan you duo shao feng yu, wo dou hui yi ran pei zhe ni'
'Zhi yao neng rang ni kai xing, wo she me dou yuan yi, _ _ _ _'

Am not going to complete the last four words cuz i know it will never happen. Unless miracle happen. If miracle really come i hope that she will complete that last four words for me. Haha...i'm dreaming again =x
One more thing, i cant put in chinese words cuz of my template setting so only choice is to put in hanyu ping ying. If there is alot of mistakes plz forgive me. I sux in everything. =
Alrite...this entry took me an hour to finish it. Im really outta words cuz my mind is still in a mess and im damn tired now. Gald that im finishing it soon....can go to sleep. Tomorrow is a brand new slacking day for me. All Da Best!